Yoko Ono Denies Breaking up the Republican Party
Yoko Ono Denies Breaking up the Republican Party

In a recent interview with Gish Gallop, 83-year old songwriter, performer, and widow of John Lennon, Yoko Ono attacked critics who blamed her for the breakup of the Republican Party.

Jon: Many people seem to hold you personally responsible for the meltdown in the GOP that has resulted in Donald Trump’s frontrunner status.

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Ono: It’s obvious to anyone close to the Republican party that they had serious problems long before I was involved,” she said. “I mean really, Donald Trump is just the latest incarnation of that ‘how dumb can we go?’ game they started in 1980 when Ronald Reagan went around blathering about ‘it’s morning in America.’ What the fuck does that even mean?

Jon: Did you support the nomination of George W. Bush in 2000?

Ono: No. Absolutely not. They did that on their own, and I tried, as an outsider, to change their minds while respecting their needs and emotions. In the end they made that decision without me and I had to support it.

Jon: The 2008 elections were pivotal in terms of recasting the Republican party as what they ultimately became in the Trump era. What role did you play in that?

Yoko Ono in Gish Gallop Offices
Yoko Ono in Gish Gallop Offices

Ono: We all knew [John] McCain was the right choice. I thought so in 2000 but the guys decided he was too boring. By 2008 he figured out how to reinvent himself. But then Sarah Palin happened.

Jon: How exactly did she “happen”?

Ono: [laughs] Black magic? No one really knows. One day she was some idiot shooting wolves from a helicopter, the next day she was some idiot babbling “you betcha” over and over into a microphone. But I can tell you that I told the guys they’d regret it if they let their emotions take over, if they picked the blow-up doll with the librarian glasses and the tits. [pauses and stares into distance]

Jon: Do you think people attribute too much to you? That they think you had more sway than you did?

Ono: Oh definitely. By 2015 I was almost entirely marginalized. Donald Trump is a shaved ape, everyone can see that. But look at who else they put up. Sons of immigrants insulting immigrants? At least they shut up about rape this time. Mostly.

Jon: Who would you support this election?

Ono: I’m leaning Hillary or Sanders. I don’t agree with a lot of what they’re planning, but the Republicans are a disaster. If you didn’t notice I’m an Asian woman, so there’s a great chance Trump would rather punch me in the face than eat with me.

Jon: Is there anything you’d like to say to your detractors? Any single message you’d like them to leave with?

Ono: I didn’t do this to the Republican party! They were a mess before I came along. You know, just because you walk past a car accident as it happens doesn’t mean you caused it. Stop blaming me for this shit show.