The Yellowstone Caldera seen here openly mocking Chile's Calbuco volcano.
The Yellowstone Caldera seen here openly mocking Chile’s Calbuco volcano.

Yellowstone National Park — In a rare public appearance, the Yellowstone Caldera openly mocked Chile’s Calbuco volcano for its less that stellar eruption late Thursday night. The Calbuco volcano erupted on Wednesday, which was the first activity in over 42 years. It creating a remarkable scene of smoke plumes and ash shooting more than 6 miles into the sky. The height of the volcanic ash emitted triggered concerns that the dust could contaminate water, trigger respiratory illnesses and halt more flights. No injuries have been reported.

“Is that all you got?” Taunted the Yellowstone Caldera on Calburo’s Facebook page. “If you’re gonna erupt, make it count. You gotta bring your end-of-the-world game with you. You call yourself a volcano? Pffft. I’ve had steam vents more exciting that your geologic tantrum.”

The Yellowstone Caldera is the volcanic caldera and “supervolcano” located in Yellowstone National Park in the United States, sometimes referred to as the Yellowstone Supervolcano. The caldera and most of the park are located in the northwest corner of Wyoming. The major features of the caldera measure about 34 by 45 miles. On Thursday, a team from the University of Utah published a study, in the journal Science that describes a newly discovered magma reservoir that in an eruption, would eject 1,000 times as much material as the 1980 Mount St. Helens eruption. This would be a disaster felt on a global scale, which is why scientists are looking at this thing closely. The timing of this study seemed to bolster the ego of the Caldera.

“Yeah. I’m civilization-ending. Supervolcano. Get it? SUPER volcano,” continued a cocky Yellowstone Caldera in its Facebook status. “And I’m American, which makes me the number one cataclysm. Calbuco is just an Earth burp. Wait until I get my turn. Suckers.”

The last time Yellowstone had a calderic eruption was 640,000 years ago, and the misshapen hole it created was about 25 miles by 37 miles across. The big Yellowstone eruptions occur on time scales of many hundreds of thousands of years. According to Scientists, however, there’s no sign at all that this old volcano is going to erupt anytime soon, either in a big way or a huge, show-stopper way.

“Whatever,” commented the Caldera regarding the low likelihood of an eruption. “My time is coming. And then you’ll be wishing for a weenie ‘Cal-butthole’ eruption.”

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