Reno, NV — The world’s largest dog [picture below] made a surprising appearance in a Reno, NV regional park over the weekend. The dog, called Muffles by Rochelle and Carla Smithson of Truckee, CA, startled several people out on leisurely day trips to Peterson Mountain west of Reno.
“The wife and I come up here to dig for crystals,” said Carson City retired resident John S. “All was going well until I heard this thumping. So I look around for my wife and asked her if she heard it. She didn’t say yes or no. She just yelled ‘look out!'”
According to John, Muffles came barreling around the corner and tackled him.
“It was like nothing I ever saw,” continued John. “Holy cow, that dog was huge. As huge as a van, I suppose. He got on top of me and started licking me with that 1 foot-wide tongue. I like dogs ‘n all. But this was no ordinary dog.”
According to the Smithson couple, they purchased Muffles from a Reno-area pet store as a puppy. Within two weeks the puppy had quadrupled in size. And that was just the beginning.
“We didn’t know what to do,” said Rochelle Smithson in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “I got Muffles as a wedding present for Carla. She’s the dog person, not me and I thought, ‘what the heck.’ But after 2 months, he weighed over 350lbs. After a year. Well, I don’t even want to tell you how much she weights because you won’t believe it. But that’s not the half of it. Image the size of dog crap. Every time Muffles does his business, it’s a 45lb. load. You try shoveling that stuff up. It’s not fun.”
As for the John and his wife, they’re not going to sue or press charges against the Smithsons for letting their dog run him over.
“Hey look,” continued John S. “This was really weird. And as long as it doesn’t happen again, there’s no reason to involve the police or whatever, you know? But I suppose you couldn’t have leash big enough for this creature. So who knows what they’re going to do.”