Bentonville, AR — Today American discount chain Wal-Mart announced it will halt sales of its bestselling Senator Feinstein bobblehead nationwide. What started as a fundraiser and then turned into a hot item for vehicle dashboards, has turned to tragedy for many American families. In 17 states where the bobbleheads were sold, the bobbleheads were used to bludgeon Republicans to death.
Alice Baldwin of Cleveland, Ohio bludgeoned her Uncle Rick Ferry to death with a Feinstein bobblehead, family members reported to the police.
“She looked possessed,” said mother Meredith Baldwin according to the police report. “I don’t know what came over her.”
The Cleveland Police told Gish Gallop that after she purchased the Senator Feinstein bobblehead doll from her area Wal-mart, she lost her mind and turned in her guns and became a vegan. Also according to the police report, just prior to the beating death of her uncle, Mr. Baldwin ranted continually about how Hillary Clinton “was really a nice person.” When Mr. Ferry, a Donald Trump supporter, confronted her on this during their Thanksgiving dinner this past November, Alice slipped into a psychotic episode and beat him to death with the bobblehead.
“Alice has always been a Republican,” continued her mother who spoke with Gish Gallop over the telephone from her home. “She loved the Second Amendment and all that stuff. Although I think she was a Jeb supporter. Anyhow, for her to do this is terrifying. We’re all very confused by this. I mean, a bobblehead? It doesn’t make sense.”
Experts warn that the Feinstein bobblehead could pose a significant threat to other politically divided families and are asking citizens to voluntarily hand over what has become a deadly weapon to authorities.
Under the assumed name, “Chuy,” Gish Gallop sent a staff writer on an undercover assignment to pose as an illegal worker in Senator Feinstein’s Southern California bobblehead factory after learning that she would be making an appearance to promote immigrant rights.
“As Senator Feinstein came out to the loading area, all employees were forced to look at the ground,” said our Gish Gallop insider, who now must remain anonymous for safety reasons. “Then she motioned for the foreman to get on all fours,which he did, she then stood upon his back and spread her arms out. She sprinkled bits of something everywhere. I later learned that it was a botox and hair extensions. Or something, I dunno. It was a finishing ceremony for the bobbleheads. I wish I would have never seen this.”
Senator Feinstein ignored our request for comment.