Vladamir Putin says Americans are pussies.
Vladamir Putin says Americans are Пушистики or “pussies.”

Soviet Russia — Russian president, Vladimir Putin, in an in-depth interview with CNN chief international correspondent Christiane Amanpour that will air on the CNN networks just prior to the Republican and Democrat national conventions, had some harsh words for the American public and their leaders. Because of a long history with Ms. Amanpour, I was afforded an opportunity to view the raw footage during the editing process. What follows are some of the more poignant pieces of the interview.

“I am sure that America is teetering on the brink of ruin,” Putin began. “We had similar scare here in Russia a few years ago. We were able to overcome economic collapse because our government and our people is strong like bull, not spoiled, crying little girl like Americans.”

“Those are some pretty harsh criticisms, Mr. President. Are you sure this is a good tone to take? It’s not very diplomatic,” Amanpour questioned.

“Why not? What are the Americans going to do about it? We buzz them with our fighter jets and they cry to us. We bomb hospitals in Syria and Libya and blame them and they cry to us. They are afraid of a Trump, what will they say to me?” chuckled the Russian president.

“I am not sure what they will say to you, Mr. President, but I am sure that President Obama will not be pleased with this name calling,” Amanpour shot back.

“President Obama… he is joke in Russia. We make puppets on national TV where Obama makes sex with Hillary in puppy dog style [laughing]. They are weak. Obama is weak. Clinton is weak [laughing]. Americans are, how do you say, pushistiki. You know pussies. Like little baby kitty cats,” chimed an almost hysterical Putin.

Vladimir Putin seen here riding an American Bald Eagle
Vladimir Putin seen here riding an American Bald Eagle

Christiane’s olive complexion looked like a rich Cabernet at this point. “It seems we have gotten off on the wrong foot here, Mr. President. I can’t understand why you would make such derogatory comments.

Let’s move on.

Have you been following the elections?”

“Of course we follow the elections,” Putin chuckled. “We make a drinking game. Every time Trump says “terrible”, we drink shot of vodka. Every time Trump says “horrible”, we drink two shots of vodka. Every time Obama says “assault rifle ban”, we drink two shots of vodka and shoot off our AK’s into the sky. Every time Clinton tells lie, we drink shot of vodka. We get very drunk [laughing]. Is very fun game for strong bulls to laugh at American pussies cats. They say strong words, but have never strong actions. We show these pussies cats the finger. What can they do?”

What can they do, indeed. I watched the entirety of the interview. I’m not sure how much will be aired and how much will remain on the cutting room floor, but it appears that the rest of the world just might be laughing at the naked emperor. This can’t be good.

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