Danville, VA — There are many things that Rob Remus doesn’t trust. As the founder and leader of the patriot militia group APART (Armed Patriots Against Radical Terrorists), he has a natural distrust not only for Hillary Clinton, but also at times, the police. So it came as no surprise this past weekend when he was detained by the Danville Police Department outside the Garrison Parkway Golden Corral for suspicious activity inside the popular family buffet restaurant.
“Our very lives are at stake,” said Mr. Remus from the porch of his Troutdale, Virgina home. “It’s over for America the way we used to know it. You can’t even make it through the Montreal Streak line at the [Golden] Corral without the police handcuffing you and taking away your God-given rights.”
Remus and his APART cohorts made headlines earlier this year when the group conducted a pre-dawn raid on a suspected terrorist training camp located in a remote section of Charlotte County, VA. Run by the Islamic activist group Muslims of America (MOA), the compound has been featured on various conservative news outlets for having suspected ties to the Islamic State. After a tense 10-hour standoff, the militia group was forced to stand down when the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Department sided with MOA and threatened the militia with felony trespassing and weapons charges.
Virgina has some of the most liberal weapon laws in the United States, allowing anyone over the age of 18 to “open-carry” a handgun without a permit. However according to the Danville police report, Mr. Remus’ modified Polish-made AK-47 replica did not fall into that category and was in violation of the law. Golden Corral shift manager Bill Rogers said he’s aware of Virgina’s open-carry gun laws, but it wasn’t his kit-made AK-47 that concerned and motivated him to call the police, it was the way Mr. Remus was acting.
“Look, around here we don’t make no big deal about weapons,” said Mr. Rogers during a telephone interview. “I mean, it’s just not a big deal. But this camouflaged guy comes in 15 minutes before the dinner switchover and starts making a commotion at the Montreal Steakâ„¢ station. He started getting agitated that there are only end pieces left, which is usually what happens at the end of the lunch session. Anyhow, he started moving back and forth quickly and was confronting the staff. That’s when we had to call the authorities. It really had nothing to do with his gun.”
Eyewitnesses said that after the police arrived, Mr. Remus started shouting epitaphs at the police, calling them “traitors” and “pig f*ckers.” After a brief struggle by the ice cream machine dispenser, which Mr. Remus attempted to fend-off the officers with a dual-squirt swirl of chocolate and vanilla soft-serve, he was detained and removed from the restaurant. As he was dragged out of the Golden Corral he started shouting each of the Bill of Rights, which frightened both the staff and several children at the establishment. Mr. Remus was cited and released in the parking lot.
As for his future, he plans on returning to the Golden Corral at his usual 3:45pm dining time.
“Look,” continued Mr. Remus appearing to become more agitated, “This is about the right for the soul of America. To stop crooked Hillary wherever we can. And APART will be there, watching over mother liberty to protect her. And that includes our god-given right to all-you-can-eat buffets. Next time, I’m gonna bring the entire team there and we’ll see what they do about that Montreal Steak. Plus, I’ll save 9 bucks before the dinner rates kick in.”