Van's Boot on the Head Marketing Campaign failed to connect with angry shoppers.
Van’s Boot on the Head Marketing Campaign failed to connect with angry shoppers.

Cypress, CA — The popular manufacturer of leisure shoes Vans announced late this week that its “Boots on the Head” marketing campaign was more than likely a failure. According to executives and the Cypress California headquarters the campaign, which was targeted at the growing demographic of angry American conservatives, was designed to capture “the lifestyle choices of the angry Right-wing voter,” said Vans’ Director of Marketing Bethany Millbright.

“The idea was simple,” said Ms. Millbright in a prepared statement. “As reactionary political forces start to take hold across America, we wanted to provide them footwear that fits that lifestyle. We wanted to capture the growing working-class angst in shoe form. Sadly, there just wasn’t enough real anger in the marketplace.”

With the rise of hate rhetoric by the likes of Donald Trump, who shamelessly panders to the ill-informed voter, Vans thought they had a unique angle to exploit. But according to analysts, a typical right-wing voters found the brand “too faggy” for the manly activity of stomping on Liberals’ heads.

Director of Vans' Marketing Bethany Millbright
Director of Vans’ Marketing Bethany Millbright

“Yes, it seems that the target demographic for this campaign didn’t have much affinity for Vans,” said Robert Colvin, lead researcher Rundex Family Foundation who was contracted by the shoe giant to figure out why the campaign failed. “I mean, looking at the data, they[Vans] really blew it. It turns out that these potential buyers are broke from spending all their money on gun spending sprees. They’re all terrified of Clinton taking their guns away when she gets elected. So they have zero disposable income. Also, many of this demographic see the brand as for ‘Liberal panty-wipes.’ I’m not sure exactly what that means, but it spelt doom for the campaign.”

As for Vans, they’ve learned a great deal from this experiment and have no plans of embracing American Conservative angst again.

“We’ve grown as a company from this marketing experiment,” continued Ms. Millbright speaking from her own opinion. “But I suspect that we’ll return to our California roots and leave the head stomping to other brands.”

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