Trump and Europe
The Trump campaign announced a new signature song today.

New York, NY — In a surprise announcement, the Donald Trump presidential campaign announced yesterday that it would be switching its official campaign song from Twisted Sister’s  anthem “We’re Not Going to Take It” to continental, glam-rock hit “The Final Countdown.”

“The Final Countdown” is a song by Swedish rock band Europe, released in 1986. The song reached No. 1 in 25 countries, including the United Kingdom, and was certified gold in the United Kingdom in 1986. In the United States the song peaked at No. 8 on the Billboard Hot 100 and at No. 18 on the Billboard Album Rock Tracks chart. The song’s lyrics were inspired by David Bowie’s song “Space Oddity.” The Trump Campaign chose the song because of its proto-fascist “vibe” according to campaign sources and because it’s the perfect “white person’s song.”

“It’s the perfect anthem for our demographic,” said Trump campaign media spokeswoman Katrina Pierson. “When you want to get a whole bunch of working class people excited, all you have to do is crank up this song. It has something to do with that brassy keyboard riff that reminds them of their long Anglo-European heritage.”

The Trump campaign has come under increasing fire from critics who say he is pandering to the worst elements in the American electorate, fanning the waves of hatred, xenophobia and jack-booted anger towards anything that suits his reactionary goals. Critics maintain that “The Donald” is channeling the rhetoric of 1930s fascists, particularly Italy’s Benito Mussolini who made a name for himself with elaborate “shows” during his speeches.

“I don’t think there’s any doubt at this point what Trump is doing,” said Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago. “I think at this point it’s a matter of whether he actually believes what he’s doing or not. I tend to believe that he’s aware of what he’s doing, which is manipulating a tremendous amount of pent-up conservative and reactionary anger. The Twisted Sister song was a start, but now he’s dipping into more fascist territory with “The Final Countdown.”

Not everyone thinks that the Trump campaign is flirting with 1930s-style authoritarian principles. The Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation was recently contracted by campaign to study the efficacy of theme songs.

“After the Neil Young debacle, the Trump campaign had to scramble to find a suitable song that fit with its overwhelming jingoistic themes,” commented Rundex lead researcher Robert Colvin who led the study to find a suitable song. “They contacted us immediately after Mr. Young threatened to sue the campaign. We immediately suggested the Twisted Sister song, but told them we would need to dig into the data to find the right song for Mr. Trump. And we believe “The Final Countdown” is the perfect fit, not only because of its end-of-the-world warnings and clear Anglo-European vibes, but it’s also experienced a surge in popularity due to the Geico Insurance commercial featuring impatient workers waiting for their microwaved meals.”

According to participants at recent Trump rallies, the campaign has already started using the anthem to rile-up supporters.

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