Palo Alto, CA — Recent polls by the Rundex Family Foundation suggests that Coronavirus is more popular than Trump, not only on television but with people in general. With Trump’s late response to the emergency and his recent encouragement of irrational behavior over his Twitter to his followers, the Coronavirus is being talked about much more. And in much more positive ways.
Several low-income and minimum wage workers have their first-ever paid vacation.
“Coronavirus has let me sleep in almost every day. I mean I did that anyway, I was working from home before the pandemic. And I got a stimulus check. I know his name is on it, but this would have happened under any president. Trump only ever threatened to take my food stamps away.”
The study’s administrator, Rundex’s Robert Colvin, was adamant about the poll, which asked over 4000 Americans a simple question: who do you like more President Trump or the Coronavirus.
“Well, the data doesn’t lie. COVID-19 is the clear winner here even accounting for the margin of error of +/- 3%,” said Mr. Colvin speaking via Zoom at his Mountain View, CA home office. “What more remarkable is that the virus has spiked in popularity even as reported cases and subsequent deaths have also increased.”
Several participants, like registered Democrat and Topeka, Kansas resident Mary Blaine said she didn’t trust Trump to make decisions that might benefit him or his family.
“I heard because of coronavirus, celebrities, and private companies donated $1,000,000 to disenfranchised youth in inner-city communities that needed safety gear like masks and gloves. Trump’s always just trying to make places he owns real estate into slums, so his hotels down the street look fancier. And I heard he was scheming to make a profit off of all this with that weaselly looking son-in-law.”
Still, others appreciated something former Presidential Candidate Andrew Yang campaigned for.
“Before this pandemic, I could only dream of Universal Basic Income by voting blue. Now, it looks like socialism is coming to America whether we like it or not. Trump doesn’t seem to understand. Or he does and just can’t lose face in front of his cult. Thanks, coronavirus!”
We also heard some loud voices from the other side that claims that this entire thing is a sort of “false flag” event to get us all to stay at home so… the deep state can… I don’t really know. Something about freedom and wanting to get a haircut.
“Trump’s the man, I’m tellin’ you,” said Macon, Georgia resident Hal Benton. “He’s gonna bail out all the big companies and get all the good people back to work. He has to start at the top, because if these rich guys don’t give us something to do we’re just gonna’ sit around jerkin’ it all day in the chicken coop if you know what I mean.”
When asked to explain Trump’s inconsistent and often contradictory approach to the coronavirus, Mr. Benton seemed confused and pointed to a Trump 2020 bumper sticker on the side of his manufactured home.
“Look, buddy, I gotta’ tell ya’ I do that enough times a day, I don’t need the old lady knockin’ on the goddang door wonderin’ what In the hell is takin’ me so long because she’s home due to the quarantine too. Anyway, when all the businesses open back up, we’ll show all those libtards exactly who they should have voted for.”