Trump Family Cat Defects To Russia

The last known picture of the official white house cat Almond Roca. Source: unknown.
The last known picture of the official White House cat Almond Roca. Source: unknown.

Washington D.C. — Cats have worked their furry way into the hearts of many Americans. There are nearly 85 million cats living in homes in the U.S., including the White House. Almond Roca, the White House cat is a gray tabby who was rescued by the Pence family from Paws and Prayers, a Christian/Gay Conversion animal rescue in Indiana and given as a gift to Melania and Baron Trump. (The President is allergic to anything with fur) Almond Roca has been living with the Trump family since February.

Alarms went off at the White House last week as Almond Roca disappeared. He even evaded the elaborate camera system that monitors the White House. The Trump family is heartbroken over his disappearance, pleading to the media to help get the word out to find him.

Today, in an official release from the Russian embassy in Washington, has disclosed that Almond Roca came to them last week to request political asylum. They have not said if they have granted the request.

Political refugee asylum may be granted to people who have been persecuted or fear they will be persecuted on account of race, religion, nationality, and/or membership in a particular social group or political opinion.

Almond Roca has cited mistreatment and fear of persecution for being a Democrat. He released this email to the media.

“I am officially leaving the Trump family and requesting asylum in Russia as a political refugee. I have suffered severe blows to my dignity. First of all, who names a cat Almond Roca? My real name is Mark Meowkowski. Second, I am tired of being used as an outfit accessory to Melania. I am not a piece of clothing or a scarf. Third, the complete dismissal of my thoughts and ideas about our great country. Being told to simply shut up and go away or else I will be skinned for my fur. I cannot live like this anymore, I fear for my life.”

Almond Roca (Mark), is the first animal in history to request asylum. Especially from a powerful family.

The only word from the White House is that at the time of Almond Roca’s disappearance, he was under investigation for inappropriately touching an underage member of the Trump family.

Previous articleGish Gallop Salutes Our Heroes: David Cassidy Dead at 67
Next articleLocal Newspaper Outsourcing Operations to Barstow, CA
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.