Washington DC — President Trump has been embattled with the coronavirus since it reared its head four months ago. Trump has angered many with his views on the virus, believing that it is not as bad as scientists are making out. He is going as far as to blame it on Democrats who do not want him reelected, even as officials in his government are being silenced from speaking out against President Trump’s policies.

Yesterday, President Trump issued another controversial decision. He ordered that hospitals around the country are required to give their coronavirus data to the White House instead of the CDC. This has angered many citizens as it leaves the door open for data manipulation.

To ease the people’s fears over possible data manipulation, President Trump has purchased Hillary Clinton’s old email server off of eBay to store the new hospital data. The server was purchased at a bargain price, and all memory on it had been wiped clean several years ago.

The Clinton server was a matter of controversy, as over 33,000 emails were wiped off of it by Hillary Clinton after being asked by the State Department to hand them over in 2014.

President Trump seemed very pleased with himself over the purchase; he joked about it while playing golf at Mar A Lago Resort. He told his golfing buddy, Attorney General William Barr, “if you stop looking on the server, you won’t notice the data has been erased.”

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.