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Austin, TX — Hours after Texas seceded from the United States, Russian peacekeeping forces invaded moved in to help protect the Lone Star State from Oklahoma. Over the past year, the rogue and independent State has made noise about leaving the United States and forming a republic.

This past Saturday, Texas abruptly left the Union, and within hours, Russian special forces landed near the Gulf city of Galveston. And by mid-afternoon Sunday, several peacekeeping paratroopers landed around Austin and proceeded to take help the government “transition to a more Russian-friendly administration.”

Texas’ former governor Greg Abbott resisted Russian attempts to seize help the government. After Russian General Sidorov scolded informed him, he relented that Abbott had no power and had to wait for an ordinary citizen to sue the Russians for $10,000. Later General Sidorov said, “like we’d ever allow that to happen.”

Russian President Vladimir Putin praised the efficiency of the peacekeeping force and promised that the peacekeepers would do a lot of peacekeeping. However, when questioned why he chose to invade help Texans, Mr. Putin said he was asked to by “separatists in El Paso and Austin.”