Use albuterol inhalation exactly as prescribed by a doctor and should not used by dumbasses.
Use albuterol inhalation exactly as prescribed by a doctor and should not used by dumbasses.

Grass Valley, CA — An area teenager discovered late Thursday night that the bong she was using was not a marijuana water pipe, but rather a pediatric asthma inhaler. Suze Church, 18, of Grass Valley realized something wasn’t quite right when she didn’t seem to get high on the device.

“It was like, weird,” said Ms. Church in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “I kept pressing the button and there was this mist shit that came out, so I inhaled it, but it wasn’t very stoney.”

According to her friends at the scene, Ms. Church repeatedly inhaled the albuterol medication, which was prescribed for her 12-year-old little sister Jessica, until she passed out. Apparently her friends mistook this for, as one bystander put it, “some serious A-Bomb weed or something” and started to partake of the device as well. Two of Suze’s other friends suffered the same fate, until the third one, Finn Swann of Shannon Way figured out that it was not a marijuana water pipe.

“Yeah, It didn’t look right,” said a slurring Finn Swann from the porch of his parent’s home. “And then everyone was, like, one the floor passed out. So I didn’t try it. Eventually they got up. Then we ate some Doritos.”

Doctors warn people to use an albuterol inhaler exactly as prescribed and should not use in larger or smaller amounts or for longer than recommended. Seek emergency medical attention or call the Poison Help line at 1-800-222-1222. An overdose of albuterol can be fatal. Overdose symptoms may include nervousness, headache, tremor, dry mouth, chest pain or heavy feeling, rapid or uneven heart rate, pain spreading to the arm or shoulder, nausea, sweating, dizziness, seizure (convulsions), feeling light-headed or fainting. It can also increase douchebaggery in some teenagers.

As for Suze, she’s not gonna try it again.

“I’m like, so not going to do that again,” continued Ms. Church. “It gave me a wicked headache and I felt dizzy for almost an hour. Plus my Dad yelled at me for using up all the vapor stuff for my sister.”

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