Grass Valley, CA — Local 15-year-old Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley ingested an entire bag of Ricolaâ„¢ Big Bag Sugar Free Lemon Mint Cough Drops after arriving from home from Nevada Union High School late yesterday afternoon. Although he’s expected to make a full recovery, he’s probably going to have a belly ache for a few days.
“Man, those things sucked,” said a lazy and over-dramatic Kevin. “And my stomach hurts. The worst part about them is that I had to unwrap each one. That took forever. Lame. Anyhow, I don’t get what the big deal is. My Dad can just buy some more. He’s got all this money since he didn’t buy me that new tablet I wanted.”
According to his Father, Craig Thomas who’s currently battling the flu with a 102ºF fever, Kevin has an issue with any candy or anything that looks like candy. And being a teenager, he’ll eat anything that’s not bolted down; especially if it looks like candy.
“I’m not surprised,” said a coughing Mr. Thomas, “but it doesn’t mean I’m not pissed off about it. If I leave anything out that looks like candy, the boy eats it. I suppose this will teach him a lesson about paying attention, but I doubt it. I mean, he didn’t even bother to read the packaging. He probably grabbed the whole thing off the counter and went upstairs to play Minecraft.”
As for Kevin, he seems detached and annoyd about the event.
“I told my Dad to buy the cherry ones next time and he yelled at me,” continued a somewhat defiant Kevin. “But it’s my life, and I can do what I want.”