A typical American workplace.
A typical American workplace.

There were multiple mass shootings in the United States today, including the senseless mass shooting in San Bernardino and Redlands, California and the lesser known but horrific one in Savannah, Georgia which killed one woman and injured three men. The senseless violence is further proof to the rest of the world that Americans are primed on violence. Many across the globe find it as no surprise that this violence is America’s most pronounced export.

“American violence is returning home to roost,” said Fatima Yara as she held her infant daughter. “It was just a matter of time before the dogs of wars came home to attack their owners. Maybe now Americans will see what they have sown upon the world. You Americans think it’s all about Coca-Cola and freedom. But your chief export is war, suffering and death.”

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According to Mr. Hassan, thousands of Syrians have taken to draping their Facebook profiles with American Flag overlays.

“I was quite surprised how this took off,” continued Mr. Hassan. “I guess suffering is universal and compassion is the one thing all humans share. Plus these flag overlays are a way to show you care, without you really having to do anything helpful.”