The protests spread from Facebook to Broad Street.
The protests spread from Facebook to Broad Street.

Nevada County, CA — “I was drafting a thoughtful rebuttal to a comment somebody made on my post about guns and gun owners. By the time I hit ‘Enter’, some shrieking harpy had posted two inane comments between my response and its intended recipient. This made it look like I was sexually objectifying said harpy. I wasn’t,” states the site’s administrator, Douglas Keachie, in a phone interview with Gish Gallop.

The incident occurred on Nevada County Vents, a facebook group for Nevada County locals to air their frustrations and be pilloried for hours on end by other overly-opinionated locals.

“Yeah, this thread jumped the shark pretty early on,” explains Brad Peceimer Plexiglass, a commenter on the thread. “Most of the comments had literally nothing to do with the less controversial original post about gun owners. People just lost their minds and ran with it. Harsh words flew, probably are still flying, friendships were shattered, threats were made.” [Editor’s note: Ironically, none of the threats involved guns.]

Even after Mr. Keachie, the Vent’s administrator, provided a spectacular defense for his position, using PowerPoint demonstrations, legal precedent, 8X10 glossy copyrighted photographs with marker on the back, and even logic, the other Nevada County residents were having none of it. The righteous indignation was too much of a thrill.

It wasn’t long before nearly every resident in the county wanted in on the action, many staying up all night to vent their respective, and often ridiculous, viewpoints. The venting continued long into the following day causing an almost complete general strike on the county’s businesses.

“I am the only one here?” Questioned Martin Ellison, an area business owner on Broad Street in Nevada City. “None of my staff showed up today. And, it’s the same up and down the street, everybody is closed today for some reason. Hell, there aren’t even any shoppers, there’s not been a single car gone by today. Usually this street is pretty crowded at this time of day. Look out there, there’s nothing. Like a ghost town.”

Asked if he would handle something like this differently in the future, Mr. Keachie states, “Oh, yeah. Yes, I would. I would type a hell of a lot faster next time. The guy I was answering [one Brad Piecemeal Grass, according to witnesses] never got to feel the sting of my rather pithy remark. That crazy bitch, Cindi or whatever, ended up making both my thoughtful original post, and well-worded remark, about her. All because I typed too slow.”

As of this writing, not a single area business has opened. It is unclear how long this venting, and subsequent general strike, will last.

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