Artist's rendition of the proposed Sierra Buttes project. Yeah, you get what you pay for. No lip.
Artist’s rendition of the proposed Sierra Buttes project. Yeah, you get what you pay for. No Lip.

Sierra City, CA — Sierra City is about to get on the map, thanks to President Obama.¬†In what may prove a bonanza for local tourism and a boost for racial harmony, President Obama has just signed an executive memorandum calling for the creation of a Mount Rushmore-like creation on the Sierra Buttes celebrating great African Americans.

The 1500 foot tall rock sculptures will immortalize the greatest black leaders of American history. The public is being asked to vote on which five black leaders should be included for the massive sculpture.

The choices are President Obama, Maya Angelou, Frederick Douglass, Jay-Z, Wilt Chamberlain, Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, Oprah Winfrey, entertainer Al Jolson and America’s first “black” President Bill Clinton. Gladys Knight was also in the running but was excluded when she insisted her sculpture included all the Pips.

“There was simply not enough room for all the Pips as well as Gladys, so we excluded her from the running”, explained a source at Ms. Knight’s Atlanta, GA restaurant who was not authorized to comment on the sculpture.

When asked why Sierra City was chosen for the new national monument, White House press secretary Josh Earnest¬†explained that, “the Sierra is relatively devoid of African-Americans for some reason, creating a social imbalance that could be corrected by Sierra City becoming the new Mecca for African-American people to come and see their heroes in stone.”

In a related story, President Obama has also released a memorandum calling for a change to the title of the song, “White Christmas”. According to a White House press release, “Each year, black, yellow, and red Americans are insulted by this song, which is racially insensitive. We are calling for the title to be changed to “Rainbow Christmas”, which better reflects the rich heritage and multi-racial character of modern day American society.”

Sierra City LGBT activist, Chad Hoarsley, was angered by the suggested title change, insisting that the term “Rainbow” no longer refers to racial diversity, but now only refers to the spectrum of sexual preferences.

“What were they thinking”, Mr. Hoarsley scoffed. “Rainbow as a racial term is so ’80s. And why aren’t the Pips included in the sculpture? I love the Pips.”

Tommy Empire of Cedar Ridge felt the entire project was a bad idea. “There is a reason why there are no blacks here”, he said. “This will upset the delicate social fabric of our little community. I don’t know what this country is coming to. Time to hold a Constitutional Convention.”

Regarding the Buttes sculpture, American Baptist minister and civil rights activist Al Sharpton called the sculpture a great idea and said he plans on visiting Sierra County to monitor the project’s progress.

“I would love to look down on Sierra City,” he chimed. “And I am dreaming of a Rainbow Christmas.”

But not all local residents are upset by the news. Sierra Country Store says it is happy to have people of color come to their store for supplies while they are passing through the area.

“They are stocking up for the influx of new tourists,” said a source close to the popular Sierra County Store on Main Street. “I hope they get the right stuff. Food and stuff for them.”

Those who wish to vote for their favorite African-American can do so online at a government-sponsored website, which apparently cost the taxpayers close to $357 million dollars to create.

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