Washington, D.C. — White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer made head turn yet again today when he said that it has “become increasingly clear” since the Trump administration took power in January that the previous administration did a “Russian piss-party-poor job” of vetting them.
“Whether it’s Mike Flynn,” Spicer said, “or Carter Page, or Paul Manafort, or Jared Kushner, well, you get the point, there have been a lot of reasons for the American poop-pop-pap-people to be suspicionous of our ties to the Russians. And it’s become increasingly clear that the Obama admoon-admeen-admoan-administration did a Russian piss-party-poor job of veterinarian-vegimite-vegan-vaginosis-VETTING us all.”
Spicer raised eyebrows last week when he blamed the Obama administration for former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn having to resign in disgrace after he lied to Vice President Pence about contacts he had with Russian nationals in the transition between the two presidential camps. Mr. Spicer seemed to intimate that the Trump administration did do any re-checking of clearances if someone, like Flynn, had previously been cleared by a past administration. Blaming Obama for not vetting the entire Trump administration, he claimed, “is just the next logical step.”
“Look, let’s face it,” Spicer admitted, “over the next four years, or however long it takes to get us hoisted on our own petards, we’re going to be blaming pretty much everything on Obama for the foreseeable future. So this is just a warm up for that.”
Spicer said that it was “just plain un-American and lazy” for the Obama White House to not vet the Trump administration for them.
“Would it have killed them to do that for us on their way out the door,” Spicer asked, before asking another rhetorical, “oh, I suppose just because we hired them it was our responsibility to vet them? What kinda cucks do you think we are? The black guy always does the rich white guy’s job for him, doesn’t he? Is this not America anymore?”
During the press briefing, Spicer listed a few more items that the Trump administration would be blaming on President Obama in addition to not properly vetting their own staff.
“For one thing,” Spicer said, “the light in the fridge goes off when you close it. That seems like an open invitation for terrorists, who love the cover of darkness, to me. We also have noticed that sometimes when the president eats Taco Bell he gets a mean case of the shiny hiney, which we’re also blaming on Obama. We’ll also very likely blame Obama for the nuclear war we start with the state of California, which we have every intention of winning, of course.”
No one from the former Obama White House could be reached for comment.