Las Vegas, NV — Thirteen children, all from very affluent neighborhoods, staked out a turf war in a Las Vegas sandbox. Las Vegas police told us that this seems to be a trend going on around the country about every four to five weeks.
“The injuries appeared to be quite minor,” said Lt. Newton of the Las Vegas Police Department. “We did, however, have to transport most of the combatants to local hospitals for treatment.”
When Gish Gallop pressed for more details, we were given the rundown on the various injuries suffered as the result of what has been termed, “The Brawl of the Wall”, and the preliminary findings about how it started.
Lt. Newton continued,”allegedly, Mr. Trump owned all the toys in the sandbox. At some point, while Mr. Trump was building a wall of sand around himself and Governor Kasich to keep Mr. Rubio and Mr. Cruz away from them, Governor Christie saw what appeared to be a Tootsie Roll in the sand. As Governor Christie called dibs and dived for the Tootsie Roll, he smashed Mr. Trump’s wall.”
“Mr. Rubio and Mr. Cruz then entered The Donald’s domain without proper authority. The Donald had sand in his eyes and yelled out, ‘Jesus Christ! This really stings!’ At that point, Mr. Santorum and Mr. Huckabee, being offended by the savior’s name, attacked Mr. Trump with the ferocity of a band of Muslim terrorists. Governor Kasich jumped in and karate chopped Mr. Cruz and Mr. Rubio into oblivion for having an improper immigration status.”