San Francisco, CA — After a controversial decision to rename 44 San Francisco public schools after “non-racists and/or white supremacists,” the board of education settled on naming each location after an average Alameda, CA woman. Kacey Cameron Farron, 44, is a State Farm insurance adjuster and, along with having a strict, gender-neutral name, has no known controversial activities in her past.

“Effective in June, all schools in San Francisco will be named after Kacey Cameron Farron,” said San Fransisco Mayor London Breed in a brief press release earlier this week. “Now we will have 25 Kacey Cameron Farron high schools, 47 Kacey Cameron Farron Middle Schools, 67 Kacey Cameron Farron Elementaries, and 12 Kwacy Caron Fayklrron spelling remediation centers.”

Some of the legacy school names in San Francisco did host controversial historical figures. Those were considered non-controversial and were changed without many scrutinies, like the Mission District’s Andrew Jackson Reform Academy for Insolent Indians. However, some recent proposals included changing the names for more hallowed names in American history, including George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln. Even San Francisco’s first lady Dianne Feinstein’s name will be removed for keeping her weapons-peddling husband ostensibly as a lucrative slave for the past 35 years.

“You see, this is the problem with liberal America,” said Alabama MAGA founder for Trump (AMAGAFT) founder Dave Feil of Bellwood, AL. “This is all apart of the Democrat communist plot to remove history from our culture. First, it was the trans people in our bathrooms. Then they tore down the statues. Now, this? Just remember, they want to bring San Francisco to the real America.”

Even Some Liberals Scratch Their Heads

Others took a more moderate tone, like retired Madison, Wisconsin school teacher Dina Huel.

“I consider myself a liberal, but this is going too far even for me. Shouldn’t we be worrying more about school lunch nutrition and instruction instead of these divisive issues?”

According to Ms. Farron, she was not contacted by the San Francisco Unified School District (SFUSD), nor has she permitted to use her name on any government building.

“Look, I really don’t mind if they use my name, but they could have asked first,” said Farron in a San Francisco Chronicle interview late last week. “I mean, I guess it’s flattering. But don’t you think it’s kind of stupid to name every school the same? You know, like calling every street Elm Avenue or naming every park Greg?”

It seems that the San Francisco Unified School District already thought through some of these issues and plans on addressing them, notably the ‘every school has the same name’ one with that the SFUSD calls its “innovative color tagging system.”

“We’ve thought of everything,” said newly elected SFUSD board member Rowen Lane.” Each school will get a new paint job with a unique color to help people identify them. For example, all high schools will get a gradient of red; middle schools get variations of green, and to show that we’re not boring, elementary schools will get black and white stripes of different widths.”

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