San Francisco, CA — The leader of a right-wing group that had planned a Saturday rally at Crissy Field in San Francisco said Friday he had decided to call off the event due to fears of what organizers called “militant gay DJs.” A loose coalition of gay DJs had planned what they called the “Loud and Fabulous Shout Down” (LaFS) and had leased part of the Federal land adjacent to the alt-right’s scheduled “Patriot Prayer” at San Francisco’s Crissy Field.
“After several conversations with the police and understanding, you know, the situation of what’s going on we decided that tomorrow really seems like a setup. It doesn’t seem safe or practical,” said Patriot Prayer organizer and non-techno music fan Joey Gibson “A lot of people’s lives are going to be in danger from all that gay techno music. Not only would our ears be really hurt, but we wouldn’t have been able to get a single word in. Plus the rhetoric from Nancy Pelosi, Mayor Lee, the media, all these people are saying that we’re white supremacists and it’s bringing in tons of extremists. And it seems just like a huge setup. And besides, none of our members can dance.”
Gibson said the group would hold a press conference at 2:00 p.m. at Alamo Square in the city to talk about what led up to the decision to cancel the event. He called on Mayor Lee to provide security against left-wing militants and anti-fascists, or Antifa. But Jeffrey Liddon of LaFS said that wouldn’t stop the group from drowning them out.
“I don’t know who these snowflake assholes think they are,” said Mr. Liddon following the announcement, “but this is the Bay Area, and we have the technology to go mobile in 15 minutes. I suppose they wouldn’t understand that since the last piece of tech these dipshits had to navigate was their cassette car audio system.”
Undeterred, Joey Gibson retreated his small band of alt-right protesters to Alamo Square, which is located in the heart of the city around the Hayes Valley area. According to Mr. Gibson, it seemed like a safer place to spew their particular brand of hate.
“Well to be honest,” continued Mr. Gibson speaking from Pacifica, CA, “we kind of just panicked and picked Alamo Square because we thought conservatives may live in such a place, you know? But it turns out there was more dog crap there than on Crissy Field. And more protesters too. And that horrible techno music from those gays. So I moved the crew to Pacifica.”
At this point, LaFS decided not to follow the Patriot Prayer group to Pacifica, and chose to turn Alamo Square into, as one Antifa protester described it, “one raging party.”