Washington, D.C. — According to insiders at both the White House Medical Unit (WHMU) and Walter Reed Medical Center are actively downplaying rumors that President Trump has suffered a stroke. Calling it “mostly untrue,” the statements were backed up by the White House Press Secretary who said the President is a “model of well-being and a strong man.”

“We’re pretty sure he’s not because he’s been speaking horribly for at least a few years,” said Walter Reed head of Neurology Dr. Camon Duff. “That’s a long time to be having a stroke without dying. CT and MRI scans have shown a strange mass where his brain probably is, but tests for bleeding have proven inconclusive.”

Critics and observers over the past year have grown concerned with the President’s repetitive, disorganized, and at times slurred speech patterns.

“Believe it or not, the press corp is still reasonably discrete about personal health issues,” said Associated Press reporter Daft Wilkinson who’s been covering the president for the past four years. “But his sudden confusion, trouble speaking, or difficulty understanding speech has raised eyebrows among the journalists. It’s what you don’t see on TV, that’s the concern.”

Mr. Wilkinson mentioned one incident in the White House’s East Room when President Trump entered to give a speech to foreign service members. Instead of approaching the podium, he walked past it and hid behind some gold drapers in the corner of the room. Then White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders has to coax him towards the center of the room, where he gave a slurred speech about extra crispt KFC chicken and the threats Iran poses.

“It’s things like that,” continued Mr. Wilkinson. “He never used to tie his shoes. And to be honest, whatever, except everyone was worried he might trip. So someone in the White House had the idea to give him slip-on loafers. Anyhow, it’s hard not to worry when you add all these things up.”

And then there was Mr. Trump’s recent November 2019 medical scare when he rushed to Walter Reed Medical Center for an “unplanned check-up.” As White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham put it, to “begin portions of his routine annual physical exam.” But there are indications the trip wasn’t as routine as the White House would have the public believe.

More than one observer has pointed out that the famously anti-doctor Trump would use a Sunny golf day to visit a place he despises for an early, routine check-up. Nonetheless, the White House insisted then, as in now, that the President is healthy and fit.

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