North San Juan, CA — North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher, and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Missoula, Montana is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls “the Missoula anomaly” for the past 3 years.
“There’s this thing I learned on the Internet called the Bielefeld effect,” said a mood-elevated Mr. Wolford in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “It’s where there’s this illusion that someplace actually exists. People talk about it. They even claim to know people there. But it’s all fake. They’re either part of the conspiracy to keep the hoax alive, or they’re delusional.”
The Bielefeld effect, also known as the Bielefeld conspiracy, spread in 1994 on the German Usenet, which claimed that Bielefeld’s city does not actually exist but is an illusion propagated by various Illuminati forces. Originally an internet phenomenon, the effect has since spread to other hoax cities like Missoula, Montana. To this day, German Chancellor Angela Merkel refers to Bielefeld in her speeches, even though the city doesn’t actually exist.
Missoula is supposedly located in Montana’s western part and has been promoted as both a timber and a university town since the conspiracy was started over a hundred years ago. However, after three attempts to contact the local government by Gish Gallop with no success, Mr. Wolford’s observations seem less batshit crazy.
“Look,” continued Mr. Wolford, “It’s really simple to prove that Missoula doesn’t exist. All you have to do is answer these three questions. Number one. Do you know anyone from Missoula? Two. Have you ever been to Missoula, Montana? And lastly, number three. Do you know anybody who has ever been to Missoula?”
Gish Gallop reached out to the local community and asked them Mr. Wolford’s three questions.
“Missoula, Montana is not a real town! Google it, and you will find out for yourself! I actually lived in Helena and drove to where Missoula was supposed to be,” said Christopher J. Rushin, who currently lives in Grass Valley, “I’ve been ‘there,’ there’s nothing there but trees and houses and people and shit. No signs of civilization whatsoever.”
Others were more philosophical about the hoax, maintaining that they might have only dreamed about the city.
“I’ve been to Missoula, and now that I think about it, it probably doesn’t actually exist,” commented Justin Anderson of Penn Valley, CA. “The place did seem too perfect, like a dream or something.”
Still, others were a part of the conspiracy calling people who believe such things “stupid idiots.”
“I’m a truck driver. I live in Idaho Falls, and I get many shipments to and out from Missoula, Montana,” said an Idaho truck driver who wished to remain anonymous. A fact that bolsters his status as a Mossad/CIA operative. “As a matter of fact, my wife grew up in the Missoula/Kalispell area. So for you to even state Missoula doesn’t exist as a town or city, whatever you want to call it, makes me believe you are an idiot. Or a troll. Or a Bernie Sanders supporter.”
As for Mr. Wolford, he gave Gish Gallop an old, “I told you so.”
“Nice try,” continued Mr. Wolford. “You thought I was making this up, didn’t yah? Well, now you know what I know. As soon as you run into a Mossad operative, they immediately start calling you an idiot for calling out the Missoula hoax. But you get used to it after a while. Your skin gets tough with this thing I like to call ‘The Truth.'”