Police department all over the country are now planning surprise parties for famed director Quentin Tarantino.
Police departments all over the country are now planning surprise parties for famed director Quentin Tarantino.

Hollywood, CA — Following comments made by American film director and actor Quentin Tarantino at a New York City protest, the Fraternal Order of Police Officers announced last week that it was planning a “surprise party” for him as a way of thanking him for his recent “support” of police officers. Taking what appears to be an unironic  line directly out of the 1970s film Serpico, the union’s national leader Jim Pasco told Gish Gallop that this will be a party that Mr. Tarantino won’t forget.

“The right time and place will come up and we’ll try to surprise him in the only way that seems to matter to him, and that’s economically,” said Mr. Pasco. He added that “something could happen anytime between now and Christmas,” which is when Tarantino’s next film, The Hateful Eight, opens in theaters. Mr. Pasco also said his group would be “opportunistic.”

According to union insiders, the surprise party will start early in the day with squad cars following Mr. Tarantino for up to two hours, or until he becomes suspicious that he’s being followed. At the right time, he will be pulled over for a minor traffic infraction.

“That’s the idea,” said one police officer and union member who requested he remain anonymous. “Once we have him pulled over, we can just make up some shit to piss him off. He’s a hot head, so it will escalate quickly. This will give us the opportunity to pull him out of the car and hopefully ‘taze’ him. I mean, how are we gonna get him to the party if he’s not knocked out?”

Gish Gallop reached out to Hollywood’s A1 Rentals and Party Favors for details on the party supplies, but manager Daye Williamson said she was afraid to discuss the preparation on the record, and told us “we’d better be on our way if we know what’s good for us.” She did mention that the planners said that they had just picked up a large “load” from a local Survivalist/Prepper Store located in Van Nuys, but she wouldn’t provide any additional details beyond that.

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