Police Drug Dog Busted For Selling Narcotics


Oakland, CA's crack police drug dog is in jail tonight.
Oakland, CA’s crack police drug dog is in jail tonight.

Oakland, CA — Police forces have deployed drug sniffing dogs for years now. They have become a valuable asset in the war on drugs. It came as a shock when Buzz, Oakland Police Department drug sniffing dog, was caught selling catnip to neighborhood cats. Buzz was apprehended by his handler, Bob Smirnoff, selling the illegal felline drug to Mittens on his back porch. He patiently watched while the exchange went down, as soon as Buzz picked up the bone he was arrested by Smirnoff.

We spoke to Officer Smirnoff at his home where Buzz was being kept in a cage.

“I just cannot believe it, he has embarrassed the entire department,” Smirnoff yelled. “I keep getting angry calls from the neighborhood cat ladies yelling about how I’m responsible for their cats becoming addicts.”

One of those cat ladies is Marie Starlight, the owner of Starlight Bead Shop.

“He is just as responsible as that mutt,” she cried. “My poor Mittens is at home going through withdrawals, begging me to let her out. She even offered sexual favors, my poor baby!”

This will become a lesson for many in the neighborhood. Even the most trustworthy can let you down.

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.