Pokemon Kills Unarmed African-American Man

Simmons was blasted with fire from Arcanine's flamethrower ability.
Simmons was blasted with fire from Arcanine’s flamethrower ability.

Nashville, TN — The Pokemon Go! phenomenon that has swept the nation turned deadly last night. An unarmed black man, Chris Simmons, was attempting to catch a rare Pokemon Arcanine when the Pokemon deliberately targeted him.

Simmons was blasted with fire from Arcanine’s flamethrower ability. He was killed instantly. Arcanine was later captured by Jim Tabor, a white  man armed with a poke’ ball. This information has led police to believe the killing was racially motivated.

Demarkus Johnson, head of the Nashville Black Lives Matter group, spoke to Gish Gallop about the killing.

“Once again a racial injustice has occurred, we will come together as a community and protest Pokemon wherever they appear,” exclaimed Johnson.

Keeping to their promise, BLM protested outside of Killians Pub where a Pokemon was located. The pub paid $10 to lure the rare Pokemon to the pub, they had a 75% increase in business. They were forced to close when the protesters arrived. By 10pm the pub was on fire, unfortunately killing the Pokemon trapped inside.

Pikachu, the famed Pokemon, spoke to Gish Gallop regarding the killing.

“Pikachu”, said Pikachu.

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.