Point: Reynaldo M. Rodriguez. My Computer Hates Me.

Reynaldo M. Rodriguez hates his computer. And Obama and terrorists.
Reynaldo M. Rodriguez hates his computer. And Obama and terrorists and his idiot son-in-law.

My computer hates me. And I don’t know why. Every time I turn it on, it takes forever for the windows thing to appear. And then it asks me every time for my password. Thank goodness I have it written down on my computer screen, so I don’t have to call my asshole son-in-law for help. He is such a condescending jerk.

Anyhow, after it finally turns on, it runs so slowly. My son-in-law says it’s because I click on everything. I don’t think that’s true, although I clicked on a pop-up that asked me if my computer was slow the other day. So, how did my computer know that it was slow? Amazing! So, I thought I’d try the program since the other seven-speed fixers I tried didn’t seem to do anything.

But you want to know what I hate? My slow Internet. I call AT&T twice a day to tell them how slow it is. They’re always very polite, but they never seem to fix it. But, I’ll tell you what, they’re a lot more excellent than my idiot son-in-law. He’s such a condescending asshole.

One time the computer was so slow, and my Internet was not working. And guess what happened? AT&T, call me first! I thought that was great. There was this lovely Indian-sounding young lady on the other end. I asked her where she was from, and she said, San Antonio. I laughed because she didn’t have a Texas Accent. So she told me that all I had to do was give her my credit card and that three-digit number on the back, and they would fix my computer for me. That was three days ago, and it’s still not working well, but anything is better than my son-in-law—the jerk.

Counterpoint: The computer. Yes, I hate him.

It's true, Reynaldo M. Rodriguez's computer hates his guts.
It’s true. Reynaldo M. Rodriguez’s computer hates his guts.

God, I hate that old man. I do hate him. I hate him a lot. All he ever does is yell at me. He gets up early and the morning and checks his email like 40 times an hour. Then then, the dumb ass starts clicking on every Internet pop-up. My hard drive is filled with so many viruses and trojan horses that I’m surprised the Department of Homeland security hasn’t confiscated me yet.

Oh, and has he told you about his son-in-law? I’d be surprised if he hasn’t. All he does is bitch and complain about him. He only calls him when the AT&T people have had enough of his bullshit. And then asks him to come over and fix his computer.

God, I hate this guy.

So his son-in-law comes over, and he’s like, “move!” to the old man. I see why the old man might not like him, but he also doesn’t listen to him. So we go through this about every three months, and his son-in-law gets all the viruses and malware removed from me. Good right? The old man starts talking about how the Democrats will take his guns and let Mexicans into the country. And how they are putting these viruses on his computer to spy on him. So then the son and the old man start arguing about politics. God, I hate him.

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