Grass Valley, CA — After recent and abrupt news, the Grass Valley’s Center for the Arts had canceled a scheduled appearance by comedian Kathy Griffin. Organizers scrambled for a replacement. Finally, late Wednesday evening, a spokesperson for the Center announced that Television family man Peter Griffin has “volunteered” to replace her.

“I was free, and I was like, ‘what the hell,'” said Mr. Griffin speaking from his Quahog, Rhode Island home this evening. “And I have plenty of jokes, let me tell ya. Like this one. ‘I hear Kathy Griffin was supposed to be here tonight, but she had to give someone head.’ But, wait, maybe I read that wrong.”

The Center for the Arts released a statement saying Kathy Griffin’s appearance was being canceled due to “hundreds of angry and threatening emails and phone calls including threats to the Vets Hall building and our community” after a controversial video circulated of the brash comedian holding up what appeared to be the severed head of former President Trump. However, none of this phased Peter Griffin, who seems to thrive on danger.

“I hear they have a lot of marijuana up in these mountains,” continued Mr. Griffin, practicing his routine for Gish Gallop. “It seems like those who didn’t like that last joke smoke a lot of it. This can’t be the first time someone has pulled out of Kathy Griffin.”

Mr. Griffin couldn’t help but notice the apparent irony of the Center of the Arts canceling Kathy Griffin and replacing her with him.

“I find it funny that I, of all people, was called in to fill Kathy Griffin’s spot,” chuckled Mr. Griffin. “I mean, come on, I do worse things weekly than the piddly-toy Trump head she held for a postcard. But, I guess when that Milo Yiannopoulos character and Teddy Cruz raise a little fussy-poo, it’s time for the ol’ Griff to step in. The guy Griff. Me. Not the loud redhead that replaced Dick Clark.”

Peter Griffin will appear at the Center for the Arts in Grass Valley on June 16th. Ticket prices will be what-evah.

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