May, 2022

The 20 Best Places To Move If You’re A Racist

Gish Gallop presents: The Best Places To Move If You're A Racist. See if your favorite city is on the list.

Latest

California’s Secret Plan to Turn Texas Blue

A secret document reveals California's plans to make America blue.

Donald Trump ‘Open To The Idea’ Of U.S./Russia Corporate Merger

Alleged billionaire and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told reporters this week that he'd be open to a corporate merger between Russia and the United States should he win the election in November.

Area Man Misinterprets Wife’s Request for a Facial

Tustin, CA couple Carolyn and Jarrett Roush had an embarrassing misunderstanding.

First International Bullet Train To Stop Everywhere Except USA

A press release by the United Nations earlier today revealed plans for a global transportation system that runs on a high-speed railway.

Illinois Farmer Donates Entire Unsold Soybean Crop to Local Food Bank

A Dixon farmer came up with a charitable solution for his unsold soybeans.

Marcia Brady Hospitalized For Measles Complications

Marcia Brady is stable condition after initially ignoring the dangers of the Measles.

Chemtrail Reduction Program Kills Off Last Unicorn

Sadness swept across the 'woo-o-sphere' late today as news spread that the last remaining  flying Unicorn was accidentally killed by a Chemtrail reduction program. The Redding, CA-based Chemtrail Action Network or CAN has been developing a patented anti-Chemtrail "shield system" for over 5 years largely with donations gathered from its website.

Trump Ejects ‘Tiny, Infantile Protester With Giant Hands’ From Rally

FOLE'S FALLS, VIRGINIA -- At a campaign rally this...

Cher To Wed Robert Plant At Westminster Abbey

Cher's longtime publicist announced this morning that Pop Icon Cher and Rock Icon Robert Plant have reserved the Westminster Abbey for their wedding on January 17th.

Invisible Chemtrails Next Terrifying Weapon in Geoengineering

In what anti-chemtrail activists are calling a disturbing and terrifying development, sky observers from the Redding, CA-based Chemtrail Action Network or CAN say they have evidence that the government and its corporate sponsors have created nearly invisible chemtrails.

Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Mike Pence: Gay Conversion Therapy Saved His Marriage

In a surprise announcement today, Indiana Governor and Vice President-elect Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage.

Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

What can Mike Bloomberg do with Trump's debt?

Pope to ISIS: Bring It On

The Pope's remarks came as a shock to many, as no other Pope has called for outright war. Many question whether the Pope Francis should step down as the leader of the Catholic faith. Some think he was just having a bad day.

Must Read

President Trump Pardons Bill Cosby, Despite Warnings from Aides

In a startling announcement via executive order, President Trump has pardoned Bill Cosby from any wrongdoing after being charged with the sexual assault of a Temple University employee in 2004.

Amazon Makes Bid To Buy Pornhub.com

In a surprise move that caught investors completely off guard, Amazon announced a $3.4 billion dollar bid to buy online adult content provider Pornhub.com.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says No

During a late-night prayer session, both Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.

Nickelback To Open For United States Leg of AC/DC Tour

Rock legends AC/DC are planning a winter tour that will kick off November 23rd in Portland, OR. The will feature the band with special guest appearances by Guns N Roses front man Axel Rose. To open the concerts AC/DC has tapped rock band Nickelback to perform.

ISIS Fighters to Perform in Branson, Missouri

The Syrian band ISIS Fighters will perform at the Silver Dollar City amusement park this coming weekend.

Water Runs into the Ocean, Trump Points Out

President Trump gave a concerning and rambling speech about water and Iran during a press conference about a $16 billion farm bail-out package.

Hillary Clinton Converts to Scientology

In what appears to be a surprise move, former New York Senator and current 2016 Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton has converted to Scientology. The move, which has taken some but not all by surprise, was not hastily done according to sources inside her 2016 Campaign.

Trump’s Ingenious Plan to Stop ISIS

Among the many scandals plaguing the Trump administration in the last few weeks, the secret arms deal Trump negotiated with Middle Eastern nations appears to have evaded the scrutiny of the mainstream media.

Murderous, Screaming Rampage Results in Missing Spider

Police responded to a home on the 12000 block of Squirrel Creek Rd. on Sunday night upon receiving reports of a woman screaming and a man yelling, “Die, bitch! I am gonna [deleted] kill you!” Officers were advised to proceed with caution.

CEO Admits “The Beyond” In Bed, Bath & Beyond Refers to Bi-Curious Males

The home retail giant's announcement has rocked the industry.

Lake Tahoe Dog Succumbs to Chemtrails

A terrible tragedy unfolded this past weekend when a Shiba Inu named Rusty succumbed to a wave of Chemtrails which appeared over Lake Tahoe.

South Carolina Resident Receives Parking Ticket During Flood

Deidre Merryweather received insult to injury this past week after discovering that a parking ticket had been placed on her submerged Ford Taurus.

Lifestyle

Trump Switches Up Campaign Song to ‘The Final Countdown’ [VIDEO]

In a surprise announcement, the Donald Trump presidential campaign announced yesterday that it would be switching its official campaign song from Twisted Sister's anthem "We're Not Going to Take It" to continental glam-rock band Europe's "The Final Countdown."

Area Woman Raises Funds To Ship Fleshlights To Troops Overseas

Area women Grace Bowles has started a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for Fleshlights to be deployed soldiers overseas.

Body Found in Bed Just a Lazy Teenager

Police were called to the 11000 block of Rhode Island Street this week after residents of the home discovered what they thought was a dead body in one of the beds.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Brief: Prostitution Ring Discovered In Hot Locked Car

According to authorities, the prostitution ring was being operated out of a Chrysler Minivan.

Scientology to Build Vault in Remote Graniteville, CA

The Church of Scientology has announced plans to build a store vault and "Cadet Org" in the small unincorporated community of Graniteville, California.

Portland Man Sent to ER After Asking for Sandwich

Jake Mooney of Portland, Oregon found himself in the Emergency Room this past week after asking his now former girlfriend to make him a sandwich.

Business

California to Ban Sandwich Toothpicks

California Senate Bill 4320.1 will ban all "single-use" toothpicks after 2022.

DHS And FEMA Mobilize Ahead Of Imminent Declaration Of Martial Law

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) have announced that they are mobilizing their assets ahead of the President's planned declaration of Martial Law, which is likely to occur towards the end of his presidency.

Hurricane Dorian Found Dead on Florida Man’s Front Porch

Jacksonville gator "farmer" George Reed Wambles took it upon himself to take care of what he called "the fake news media hysteria."

Kent, WA Chosen for Immediate Syrian Refugee Relocation

Humanitarian workers will resettle the next wave of Syrian refugees in Kent, WA, as the Obama Administration struggle to bring at least 10,000 Syrian refugees to the U.S. by the end of September.

Roundabout Shows Modern Technology’s Weakness

A Google self-driving car caused a traffic jam in Grass Valley over the weekend. A Google engineer decided to try out the new driver-less car in this area to, as he explains, “put it through the paces of my own hometown, where I learned to drive.”

Parents Sue Fortnite for $42 Million Claiming Emotional Distress

It's unclear how the parent group arrived at the $42 million number. The class now involves 420 parents who seek relief from the game's publisher.

Info Wars Website Fans Dismayed at Lady Gaga’s Relatively Normal Halftime Show

Fans of Alex Jones' InfoWars website were disappointed on Sunday by the normalcy of the event.

Trump Family Cat Defects To Russia

Almond Roca, the White House cat is a gray tabby who was rescued by the Pence family from Paws and Prayers, a Christian/Gay Conversion animal rescue in Indiana and given as a gift to Melania and Baron Trump.

Nestle to Harvest Water from California Prisoners

Nestle announced Wednesday that it plans on supplementing its water harvesting operations with the bodily fluids of the State's growing prisoner population.

Woman Proactively Honks Horn in Roundabout

An area woman admitted on Thursday that she honks her horn as she travels around Grass Valley's Roundabout in her 1999 forest green Cherokee Sport to warn other drivers not to enter in front of her.

More Galloping

Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Mike Pence: Gay Conversion Therapy Saved His Marriage

In a surprise announcement today, Indiana Governor and Vice President-elect Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage.

Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

What can Mike Bloomberg do with Trump's debt?

ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons and 3 Others Dead in Fiery Car Crash

Authorities in Houston announced this morning that a fiery car crash last evening took the life of Texas native and ZZ Top guitarist, Billy Gibbons.

Hillary Clinton Found Dead Of Apparent Suicide

According sources close to the Clinton campaign, the Democratic nominee had come to see herself as the chief obstacle in winning the White House.