July, 2022

Wolf Blitzer Advises Against Seeing Your Barber

CNN's Chief Anchor thinks getting your hair done is an unnecessary risk.

Latest

Teenager Informs Family that it is Time to Leave

15-year-old Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley abruptly informed his family on Wednesday that he "was ready to go home" from their outing at the Yuba River.

The Flat Earth Society to Fight the Coronavirus

The Flat Earth Society has a plan to rid Earth of the novel Coronavirus.

Supply Chain Issues Linked to Massive Cat Attacks

Department of Defense officials say they are taking "humane steps" to help "mitigate the threat."

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffered the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

‘Butthurt’ Added to Oxford English Dictionary

Editors for the Oxford English Dictionary or OED announced today that the word 'butthurt' will be included in a 2017 supplemental version of the world-famous reference guide

Bill Gates Defends News Satire

Former founder and CEO of the Microsoft Corporation took a break from the work at his foundation today to defend news satire sites.

American Celebrities Travel to Syria To Act as Human Shields

A civil war has plagued the country of Syria for 6 years. It has created hundreds of thousands of refugees. But today, their prayers have been answered. American celebrities Dustin "Screech" Diamond, Tom Green, Snooki and Andy Dick have arrived in Syria to act as human shields to prevent more American bombings.

Health Nut News Facebook Page Bought by Gish Gallop

Moments after being shut down for violating Facebook's community standards, the 92-year-old publication Gish Gallop purchased the troubled page and planned to relaunch it as an orgonite and pro-beef industry re-education page.

Recent Austin Transplant Saddened to Learn He’s Now in Texas

Someone forgot to a Bay Area Transplant that Austin was in Texas.

Local Bad Cop: Does Presumed Innocence Also Apply To Black Suspects?

Officer Michaels also hosts a popular conservative podcast called "Police Stating It" in which he delivers pro-cop and pro-conservative rants.

Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Mike Pence: Gay Conversion Therapy Saved His Marriage

In a surprise announcement today, Indiana Governor and Vice President-elect Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage.

Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

What can Mike Bloomberg do with Trump's debt?

Witness Refuses Mass Shooter Recognition He Feels He Deserves

Senior citizen and 30 year neighborhood watch member, Gabbie Herschberger, who also happens to be sole survivor and witness to a mass shooting that recently occurred, has refused to identify the suspected shooter as he stood before her during a police lineup

Must Read

Area Grandmother Finally Sends “Selfie”

After repeated attempts to send her daughter and granddaughter a "selfie," Mythel Adams of Grass Valley finally managed to send a somewhat coherant message using her new iPhone 6 that her daughter purchased for her.

Clint Eastwood To Take Over Sean Spicer’s Role

According to more than one White House insider, President Donald Trump has asked outspoken actor, writer and director Clint Eastwood to replaced embattled and error-prone Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

Fiorina: I Will Run America Like I Ran HP

Presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina deviated from her standard stump speech on Sunday afternoon when she announced to over 450 supporters that she plans on running the United States exactly how she ran Hewlett-Packard when she was the CEO.

Local Business Launches First Farm to Mouth to Toilet Restaurant

The burgeoning farm to table movement has a new partner, and a new North San Juan restaurant has extended movement by adding the septic process to the entire dining experience.

County Enjoys 4th Straight Day Without a Car Accident

The greater Nevada County area just enjoyed its 4th consecutive day without a single car accident. The stretch of Hwy 49 between Auburn, through Grass Valley, and into Nevada City is a complete mess of treacherous roadway and stupid drivers.

Study: Coast 2 Coast AM Listeners Fall Asleep In The First Hour

The popular late-night paranormal/conspiracy radio show Coast To Coast A.M (C2CAM) has been the subject of an FCC-sponsored study by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation.

Defying Critics, Nancy Pelosi Houses 27 Homeless At Her SF Home

Speaker of the House Pelosi answers her critics by action.

Little Doobie’s Snack Cakes

A local brewing and bakery company in Nevada City is going out on a limb to give the local stoners some bold new products that the area has been in need of. One problem, it has stirred up a hornets nest with the law.

Online Ads for Giant Black Clocks Target Area Woman

Elaine Odell of Beaverton, OR wonders if she inadvertently answered the wrong question.

Fukushima Radiation Detected in North San Juan, CA

North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd that two of his three Geiger counters were registering abnormally high levels of radiation.

Idiot Exclaims: “I’m oppressed! Just watch them arrest me for storming the Oval Office.”

He was overheard shouting "Let's go Brandon" moments before being tackled by Secret Service personnel.

Trump Voters Rally For New Statue At Border Wall

Droves of Trump supporters gathered at the American/Mexican border Saturday to show support for the creation of a new statue in response to the recent statuary tear-downs that have been swarming across America in the passing weeks.

Lifestyle

Mass Murder and Suicide Bombing Not Terrorism, Reports FBI

Following a horrific and coordinated mass-shooting and group suicide bombing that killed 51 people and injured 115 others at a Tennessee mall last week, the police and FBI are working in earnest to discern if the perpetrators were terrorists or not.

Asian Tourists Confused by Dick’s Sporting Goods

A spokesperson for AST says that the popular touring line is considering different routes from LAX to Disneyland in the future.

Stephen King Spotted at Local Grocery Outlet

American author of contemporary horror, supernatural fiction, suspense, science fiction, and fantasy Stephen King was spotted this weekend shopping at the popular discount supermarket Grocery Outlet.

Kanye West Convinces Trump to Convert Nuclear Sites into Artist Living Spaces

Kanye West presented a proposal to house poor artists in abandoned nuclear power plants at the White House on Monday.

Trump Not Happy with Pence’s Halloween Costume

According to multiple source, President Trump was less than impressed with Pence's costume choice.

New Centennial Dam to Host Water Park and Full Bridgeport Bridge

Officials of the Nevada Irrigation District (“NID”) confirmed today that a new recreational facility will be included in the Centennial Dam Project.

Los Angeles Dodgers Refuse Trump Visit

The Dodgers have told President Trump to "take a hike."

Business

Michigan Doesn’t Just Look Like a Mitten, It Sounds Like One Too

You already knew that Michigan looked like a mitten. But did you know these facts about the state?

Goodwill Denies Reselling Dog Shit in Plastic Bags

Goodwill industries is denying that it packaged dog feces for resale.

Mexico Agrees to Pay for Impeachment

Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador said his country would do whatever it takes to help with the impeachment process.

POLL: Most Americans Unsure About Late-Term Abortion Unless The Fetus Is A Trump

A shocking new poll reveals how Americans really feel about abortion.

Area Man Already Tired of Winning

Wade’s winning weekend began Friday with the swearing in of the 45th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, and continued into Sunday with his favorite team blowing out the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Championship game.

Donald Trump Prepares To Jump Shark

In a last ditch effort to revive his public image amid flagging poll numbers, disastrous performances in all three Presidential Debates, alienation from top Republicans and GOP voters and numerous lawsuits and scandals, Donald Trump has announced plans to jump across a 400-gallon tank containing an adult great white shark.

Russian Schools Training Trolls to Misspell Like Average Americans

Several Troll Farms in Russian are now teaching their students to misspell like average Americans.

Scientists Create World’s First GMO Reverse Dalmatian

University of San Francisco scientists have successfully created the world's first reverse Dalmatian. The effort, which has been in the works for over 14 years in association with Cargill Corporation and the American Kennel Club, sought to create the world's first GMO dog.

Mattel Reveals Controversial Gender-Neutral Barbie

Critics are calling the new toy a craven attempt to capitalize on changing social norms.

Satire Publication Cancelled for Writing about Next School Shooting

This ends a long tradition of strong reporting from the Sierra City, CA-based news source.

More Galloping

Leaked FEMA Document: Motel 6 To Be Used as Emergency Camps

According to the conservative site RightWingNewsNow! who obtained an exclusive leaked Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) document, the disaster preparation organization has been funneling millions of dollars over the past 40 years into the budget hospitality company Motel 6.

Bill Gates Defends News Satire

Former founder and CEO of the Microsoft Corporation took a break from the work at his foundation today to defend news satire sites.

‘Butthurt’ Added to Oxford English Dictionary

Editors for the Oxford English Dictionary or OED announced today that the word 'butthurt' will be included in a 2017 supplemental version of the world-famous reference guide

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffered the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Supply Chain Issues Linked to Massive Cat Attacks

Department of Defense officials say they are taking "humane steps" to help "mitigate the threat."

Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Mike Pence: Gay Conversion Therapy Saved His Marriage

In a surprise announcement today, Indiana Governor and Vice President-elect Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage.

Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

What can Mike Bloomberg do with Trump's debt?

ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons and 3 Others Dead in Fiery Car Crash

Authorities in Houston announced this morning that a fiery car crash last evening took the life of Texas native and ZZ Top guitarist, Billy Gibbons.

Hillary Clinton Found Dead Of Apparent Suicide

According sources close to the Clinton campaign, the Democratic nominee had come to see herself as the chief obstacle in winning the White House.