May, 2022

Sesame Street Announces New Transgender Character

The Sesame Workshop, formerly known as the Children's Television Workshop, announced that its flagship program Sesame Street will feature its first transgender character for the 2019 season.

Latest

Rand Paul Salutes Dead Kids For Dying For Your Liberty

Calls for Rand Paul to resign are growing.

Several Kids Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

Wilburn Marvin accidentally overslept this morning, missing his chance to save hundreds of people from an active shooter situation.

Anti-Vaxxer Group Gets Polio on India Trip

A group of "anti-vax" Christian evangelicals became very ill after visiting one of the world's poorest places.

Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.

California’s Secret Plan to Turn Texas Blue

A secret document reveals California's plans to make America blue.

Donald Trump ‘Open To The Idea’ Of U.S./Russia Corporate Merger

Alleged billionaire and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told reporters this week that he'd be open to a corporate merger between Russia and the United States should he win the election in November.

Alice Cooper Rejoins Mormon Church

Alice Cooper, after decades of hard rocking, drinking, drugging and hard living, made a startling announcement today as he left a local Mormon church after the service concluded.

Modern Virility Magazine: Donald Trump America’s Most Desirable Man

President Trump proves once again that he is the most desired man on Earth.

Rejected State of Jefferson Flags

Gish Gallop Salutes the rejected flags of the State of Jefferson. Do you see any that you think should be re-considered?

Trump Names Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry National Security Advisor

President Trump appointed Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry (Tack) as his new national security advisor on Monday, choosing a widely respected military strategist known for challenging conventional thinking and carrying a loaded .44 Magnum at all times.

Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Mike Pence: Gay Conversion Therapy Saved His Marriage

In a surprise announcement today, Indiana Governor and Vice President-elect Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage.

Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

What can Mike Bloomberg do with Trump's debt?

Michigan Doesn’t Just Look Like a Mitten, It Sounds Like One Too

You already knew that Michigan looked like a mitten. But did you know these facts about the state?

Must Read

Grass Valley, CA to Open its 15th Dollar Store

Grass Valley, CA --  In a bold move to satisfy...

Man Shoves Pencil In Eyeball

Mark Nostrom of Columbus, Ohio developed a twitch in his eye, a severe headache followed. His head ached with every word spoken by the native Fargo people.

Psychic Fair Organizers Fail To Predict Catering Error

Mayhem struck the annual psychic fair held in Nevada City last weekend when organizers failed to predict a significant catering issue that left hundreds of attendees without food and beverages for the entire event.

Terrible Stock Photo Toons Volume 11

Welcome to Volume 11 of Terrible Stock Toons. Please wash your hands before returning to the table.

Samsung Quietly Removes PornHub App From SmartTVs

Samsung America has not issued a statement regarding the "mistake."

Study: Numerous Steve Jobs Films Show Americans’ Love of Rich Assholes

The Rundex Family Foundation of Palo Alto, CA published the findings of its 2-year study on why Americans are fascinated with billionaire CEOs. The study was publish this week to little notice by both the mainstream press and public.

The Irish Unimpressed by Mike Pence’s Human Cannonball Attempts

Vice President Pence's attempts to impress the Irish almost left him gravely injured.

‘CNN Is Fake News!’ Screams Man Loading His Rifle While Entering Accused Pedophile Pizza Joint

Matt Ricci is 32-years old and considers himself conservative politically. He is a daily subscriber to "Lowder with Crowder," and says he reads at least ten or eleven articles on Breitbart News a day.

Welder, Refusing Mask, Blinded in 4 Minutes

A Fresno man is recovering after exercising his freedom.

Scott Walker Takes New Job at Trump Hotel In Madison

Shortly after Scott Walker conceded his run for Wisconsin Governor to Democrat Tony Evers, he informed the press corp that he has accepted a bell boy job at Madison Concourse Hotel.

Sacramento Dog Converts To Islam

The Schultz family knew something was not right when Dazzler began to spell out "the problem is with the infidels" with her kibble and would randomly bite family members ankles for no reason. Well, there was a reason.

Penn Valley Woman Notices Grammatical Errors

Penn Valley, CA -- Mary Shilling of Penn Valley has...

J.J. Abrams Apologizes For Using ISIS As Star Wars Extras

Acclaimed director, producer and writer J.J. Abrams issued an apology to fans of the recent Star Wars installment The Force Awakens for using ISIS members as a part of the film's extras.

Lifestyle

Souplantation and Monsanto Team Up on Round-Up Ready Salad Bar

Early Saturday morning the agribusiness giant Monsanto and buffet-style salad bar chain Souplantation announced that they would be joining forces to produce the world's first Round-Up Ready salad bar.

Clint Eastwood To Take Over Sean Spicer’s Role

According to more than one White House insider, President Donald Trump has asked outspoken actor, writer and director Clint Eastwood to replaced embattled and error-prone Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

Area Boomer Recalls the 3 Days He Spent in the Woodstock Festival Traffic Jam

Retired 10th grade English teacher David Blakemore of Nevada City recent spoke to a small gathering in Nevada Union High School's drama department about his exciting adventures during the 1969 Woodstock Music & Art Fair.

UFO Caught Sucking Water Out Of California Lake

A local pilot and amateur photographer has shared an exclusive photo with Gish Gallop depicting a UFO hovering over Scotts Flat Lake.

Some Question Hillary’s Decision To Wear French Beret During Debate

Critics on both sides of the political questioned Hillary's Clinton's decision to wear a French beret on stage during the 2nd Democratic debate held in Des Moines, Iowa. Throughout the entire debate, no one including Ms. Clinton made any mention of the headgear, but it was clear that the former Secretary of State and Senator from New York was trying to imply something.

Area Birther Still Hopeful Trump At Least a Racist

When 48-year-old Josh Williams turned on the TV in the break room at his job last Friday and saw Donald Trump on it, he was excited.

Area Town Fears It Only Exists in David Lynch’s Imagination

Famous film director and writer David Lynch speculated that he invented the small California Central Valley town of Farmersville.

Business

Tammy Lahren Adjusting to New Career as WalMart Greeter/Angry Ranter

Conservative firebrand talk show host Timmy Lahren has had a rough 2017. Despite her favored presidential candidate winning last year, a sure victory for Tammy over her declared enemies — so-called liberal American “snowflakes” — Lahren herself has come under fire by fellow conservatives for her pro-choice views.

Bristol Palin to Pose in Last Issue of Playboy

Playboy Enterprises, parent of the popular men's magazine playboy announced that Bristol Palin will be featured in its last "frontal" issue in September. The Magazine, which recently announced that it planned to halt pictorials of nude models, said the Palin issue will allow the publication to "go out with a bang."

Now You Know Vol 1: We Exist as Electromagnetic Resonance

Power is the knowledge of wisdom, and of us. Growth is the driver of faith. This life is nothing short of a refining reintegration of zero-point power.

God Applauds Fake News Ban

God, the creator of all, the seer of everything that is, has been and will be is reportedly overjoyed with recent moves by popular Internet companies to limit and in some cases out-right ban so-called fake news sites.

Sesame Street Announces New Transgender Character

The Sesame Workshop, formerly known as the Children's Television Workshop, announced that its flagship program Sesame Street will feature its first transgender character for the 2019 season.

Trump Announces Plan To End Mandatory Vaccinations

The Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump has created yet another controversy. During a post-convention interview, the controversial candidate declared that he would end vaccinations for the American people.

Australian Swimmer Mack Horton: Cheating Chinese Commies Are Ball Dust

Australian gold medalist swimmer, Mack Horton has made damn sure the world knows where he stands when it comes to cheaters. Especially those commies in China.

Monsanto Combines Corn With The Flu Vaccine

Monsanto has teamed up with the Centers For Disease Control (CDC) to engineer corn with the flu vaccine already in it. No more shots, simply eat the modified food products and you are protected.

North Korean Leader Upset American Sniper Not About Him

Pyongyang, North Korea -- In a bizarre press release...

Team America: World Police Depart For Paris

In light of the recent terrorist attack in Paris, France, and the possibility more might come, The United States' premiere fighting force, Team America: World Police departed for France early Thursday morning.

More Galloping

Area Botox Party Goes Horribly Wrong

What started out as a girl's night out Botox party ended badly when a first time General Practitioner failed to administer the doses correctly. Although no one was hurt, many of the participants do have some facial disfigurements that will probably last a few months, after which the toxin wears off.

Brian Williams: I Was At Ben Carson’s 1997 Stabbing

Brian Williams admitted to a small press conference that he was at the 1997 stabbing event of Presidential hopeful Ben Carson. The stabbing event, which apparently occurred in Mr. Williams' mind, happened when the soft-spoken neurosurgeon was at a Christian event speaking about Old Testament history.

Police Fraternity Planning a Surprise Party for Quentin Tarantino

Following comments made by American film director and actor Quentin Tarantino at a New York City protest, the Fraternal Order of Police Officers announced last week that it was planning a "surprise party" for him as a way of thanking him for his recent "support" of police officers.

Penn Valley to Deny “Gay” Marriage Licenses

A group of local Christian activists have banded together to prevent same-sex marriages from happening in Penn Valley, CA. The group, called Citizen Against Non-Traditions or CAN'T, seeks to prevent anyone from gaining a marriage license in the rural, largely conservative town.

Team America: World Police Depart For Paris

In light of the recent terrorist attack in Paris, France, and the possibility more might come, The United States' premiere fighting force, Team America: World Police departed for France early Thursday morning.

Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Mike Pence: Gay Conversion Therapy Saved His Marriage

In a surprise announcement today, Indiana Governor and Vice President-elect Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage.

Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

What can Mike Bloomberg do with Trump's debt?

ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons and 3 Others Dead in Fiery Car Crash

Authorities in Houston announced this morning that a fiery car crash last evening took the life of Texas native and ZZ Top guitarist, Billy Gibbons.

Hillary Clinton Found Dead Of Apparent Suicide

According sources close to the Clinton campaign, the Democratic nominee had come to see herself as the chief obstacle in winning the White House.