Sources show that no one reads anymore. Even this right now, you aren’t actually fucking reading it. And if you are, then you must be a killer at parties, you detail-oriented fellow.

No one reads anymore. I’m serious. I said I had sources. Did I bother even fucking reading them? Nope! And you’ll never know because you’ll never read this tripe either!

I could write any amount of bullshit here (I know because I have), and you’ll probably never see it, you ignorant theoretical person you are, in fact, not reading about right now.

Note: If you did read this, I’m sorry. There’s no going back, now.

So why is everyone collectively burying their heads into cavalcades of clickbait and sensationalist garbage instead of actually reading?  We don’t know, someone was supposed to google it, but then Jaegerbombs and Netflix showed up at the meeting.  Pretty sure our researcher has been missing since then.  Uhh yeah.

In conclusion that’s why you need to stay in school.  It’s not that you don’t read that matters. It’s why you don’t read.  Fun Fact: 10/10 people who read die.  This is 100 percent verifiable by scientists who use lasers to measure things in labs, like genetically modified bio-luminescent flying pigs.  I hope I wasted enough of your time, as I am trying to ultimately prove that everything actually does not have to happen for any reason.  Like reading.  Who in the fuck does that?

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