WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the Oval Office, President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) is as busy as he ever was during his eight year tenure as commander in chief. As a president’s time in office comes to a close, talks of presidential pardons, handing off of power to the incoming president, and various other tasks still needing to be performed are discussed. This morning, Obama directed his staff to begin the process of handing back all the guns he confiscated from law abiding Americans during his occupancy of the White House.
“We’ve had a good, long run at this,” President Obama told reporters at a press briefing this morning, “and now it’s time for the peaceful transition of power between my administration and Donald Trump’s.”
As part of that peaceful transition of power, Obama says it’s now “the natural time” to roll-back his gun confiscation efforts completely.
“Every good, clean, ammo-hoarding, true American Republican Patriot knows I’ve taken away probably millions, if not billions of guns from law abiding citizens,” Obama said, “but all good things must pass. I had hoped to hand off the keys to the secret confiscated firearm warehouse I had built in 2010 to Hillary or Bernie, but Trump’s made it clear he has no agenda to pursue gun confiscation like I so very clearly did all eight years of my presidency.”
Obama told the media that he’s been inspired recently by President-Elect Trump’s victory tour of states he won in the election, and has “taken a page out of Captain Orange’s playbook.” Mr. Obama plans to crisscross the country and personally handing back every single gun he took away from Americans everywhere.
“I mean, if I’m going to be personally sneaking into Americans’ homes at night,” Obama admitted, “and taking their guns with my own, bare black hands, then I owe it to the American people to look them dead in the eye when I hand them their glorious peacemaker or liberty lobber back. It’ll be a feel good moment for all of us, I think.”
President Obama said that planning has gone well for what he’s calling “The Great Gun Redistribution,” but with a couple of minor snags.
“Well, a lot of people don’t know this, but Alabama passed a law in 2011 that barred me from traveling there once I leave office, unless I get a passport,” Obama said, “so Michelle’s flying out to Kenya right now on Secret Sharia Air Force Zero — because it’s before Air Force One numerically that way of course — at the taxpayer’s expense of about six billion dollars a minute to get my birth certificate so we can apply for a passport and get the good patriots of Alabama their boom-boom sticks back.”
An estimate provided by the National Rifle Association shows that Obama took roughly “all the guns” and that he “would have taken more than all of them if the NRA and its members hadn’t been there standing over his shoulder the whole time.”
At the time of publication, there were only roughly 400 million guns in America left for the approximate 330 million Americans living in the country.
Republished from The Political Garbage Chute.
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