President Obama seen here shooting his "gay agenda" into "Red States," conservatives maintain.
President Obama seen here shooting his “gay agenda” into “Red States,” conservatives maintain.

Washington, D.C. — According to American Conservatives, a recent photo distributed by the White House proves that President Obama has terrifying magical powers to make, in their words, “the Gay Agenda more real than it ever has been.”

“Look. Just look at the picture,” claimed Arkansas native Jim Ray in his Facebook status. “He’s shooting gay all over the country now. He was dangerous before, but now he’s destroying our way of life with these rainbow beams.”

According to White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest, President Obama does not have the power to “shoot rainbows” at anyone or anything. Nor would he do so even if he had the power.

“Sometimes it’s hard to actually answer some of these questions,” said a somewhat confused Secretary Earnest. “I mean, where do people get these weird ideas? We released the photo as a tongue in cheek thing, and apparently some took it to mean something about the President’s magical powers, which I can assure he doesn’t have.”

“I’m convinced this is part of his gay agenda,” said Nancy Billingsham from her suburban home just outside of Topeka, Kansas. “He’s probably got unicorns in Air Force One ready to trample our Christian Faith guaranteed by our Constitution. I am just disgusted with the way he’s running our country into the ground.”

In an ironic twist, apparently the photo was taken by a Chemtrail activist hoping to catch President Obama summoning airplanes and clouds.

“Yeah, I’ve been following Obama for weeks now hoping he’d slip up and talk about chemtrails or UFOs,” said a nervous Shane Rodgers from an undisclosed location. “He knows something that he’s not telling us. Anyhow, I got this picture. You know, with the rainbow. No chemtrails though. Bummer.”

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