Pyongyang, North Korea — The North Korean news service is reporting this week that a group of Pyongyang High School students is currently being disciplined for spontaneously breaking into an unapproved version of the British Band Cream’s iconic 1969 psychedelic hit “Badge.” The student musicians, consisting of two boys and two girls ranging from 15 to 17 years of age, who formed “The Dear Leaders”¬† two years ago under the guidance of the school’s director, the Honorable Seok Min, have been taken to an undisclosed location in one of the northern provinces for cultural “re-education.”

“Badge” is a pop-rock song performed by British rock music group Cream. It was written by Eric Clapton and George Harrison and was included as a track on Cream’s final album, Goodbye. According to North Korean officials, it has been a Western propaganda tool for over 40 years.

According to North Korean state television, the unsanctioned performance resulted from “impure western hegemonic forces attempting to destabilize North Korea with culturally vile representations of capitalist excess.” However, it is unclear how the four students not only learned how to play the relatively complicated Cream song but, more concerning to Ministry of Culture and Information officials is how they came across the iconic piece of Anglo psychedelic popular music.

“The forces of western imperialism are not only working to undermine the defense efforts of our Supreme Leader,” said a reporter on North Korean state television via translation, “but they seek to corrupt and undermine the pure North Korean hearts of our children.”

Former President Trump initially seemed confused by the question when asked about the North Korean disciplinary action against the students yesterday during his unplanned press conference. He then explained his unprecedented victory in November of 2020 and a few other non-sequitur items.

Trump Responds

“We’re going to deal harshly with North Korea. You better believe it,” said Trump responding to a question from a local Washington D.C. television station Fox 36. “I mean, look at the number of electoral votes I got. Can we agree that it was a bigger number than anyone predicted? Now, how about an honest question for once?”

A spokesperson for the White House said there are no plans to increase pressure on Pyongyang with additional sanctions. Still, there is a possibility that the Trump Administration might want to “make an example of North Korea,” implying that there might be some unspecified military action. When asked for clarification, the spokesperson replied, “just wait and see.”

As for the fate of the four detained and “re-educated” students, North Korean officials released this statement through back-channel news wires.

“The four glorious children are being well taken care of at the¬†Hoeryong Love and Understanding Center in the North Hamgyong province. They are re-learning virtue and purging the influence of materialistic imperialism through the well-practiced discipline of work.”

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