Nashville, TN — In an impromptu news conference today, Mylie Cyrus announced plans for her upcoming nuptials. Clad in a loose knit doily that left nothing to the imagination and a worse than Bieber haircut, she prattled her news like a meth queen.
“I’m getting’ hitched,” she exclaimed, “I know it’s hard for y’alls to believe, but this is for reals and for true!”
The crowd seemed to be stunned by the news. Then a heckler let go with, “What’s the goat’s name?” The roar from the crowd was heard all the way to Powell Town. Interestingly, the groom to be, Ernest T. Bagg, lives in Powell Town, Tennessee.
When asked how the two met, Miley replied, “oh, we have been involved in a joint business venture for the last 8 months and just kind of hit it off. And it is funny that you should mention a goat. Ernest called my manager with a job offer, we listened, and decided to take a closer look. But I’ll let my honey Ernie give y’all the details.”
Mr. Bagg smiled and waved to the crowd, his mullet dancing in the fall breeze.
“Pleasure to be here,” Mr. Bagg said. “As my darlin’ Miley was just sayin’, we met up about 8 months ago. I had been havin’ an awful time tryin’ to get my goatlove.com website to make me some money. One afternoon I was out there at the barn and I heard some sort of wild caterwaulin’ a comin’ from my truck. Sounded like a couple of horney tomcats trapped in a burlap bag. Turns out, it was this ‘lil beauty singin’ on the radio,” Mr. Bagg explained. “Well, I just knew I had to have that there caterwaulin’ as the background sound on my videos,” he exclaimed. “We struck up a deal and now the money just won’t stop comin’,” cried Mr. Bagg with glee.
Miley went on to tell the crush of reporters that the wedding would happen this spring at an undisclosed resort in Appalachia. The reception will be clothing optional and there will be a petting zoo.