Rapid City, SD — Tragedy struck tonight at Mount Rushmore as a Trump staffer was badly burned during the firework display presented by President Trump.

A Trump Administration staffer who goes by the name of “Washington Jefferson” was repeatedly warned not to wander too close to the fallout area. The fallout area is a space roped off for the embers to fall safely. Jefferson did not heed the warning and was found with second and third-degree burns.

“I was telling the wife that this guy was wandering way too close to the fireworks,” said Des Moines, IA Republican and Trump supporter Ken Cox. “Then there was this explosion, and he kinda disappeared into the smoke. I figured he was a Democrat.”

Mr. Jefferson was rushed to Monument Health Hospital in Rapid City, where he is listed in serious condition but stable condition. Dr. Ezekiel Lincoln is treating Jefferson at the hospital. We spoke to him about Jefferson’s treatment.

“Well, he came to us in pretty bad shape. He was burned a little like a marshmallow,” said Dr. Lincoln. “What surprised me was the COVID-19. It was everywhere. One look at him and I could tell”!

Jefferson’s diagnosis at the hospital is now officially COVID-19. His burns are being treated as a secondary injury. He was placed on a respirator and is being kept sedated.

The respirator that Jefferson is using came from a 9-year-old cancer patient in Mitchell, South Dakota. The government deemed Cassie Sawmill, unlikely to survive, and took the ventilator from her. President Trump personally ordered the respirator for Jefferson.

“I don’t know Washington Jefferson,” said Mr. Trump in an early morning Tweet. “But he’s a fine American who loves America like most real Americans do.”

Trump’s rally had approximately 7,500 people in attendance. Mr. Lincoln was seen mingling in the crowd. No one else in the group was tested for possible exposure, mainly because Mr. Trump encouraged them not to get tested.

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.