Detriot, MI — A team of investigators and lawyers claim they have found over 128,420 missing votes for President Trump on a recently discovered third Hunter Biden laptop. The team, which is under the command of former New York City governor Rudy Giuliani, received an anonymous tip from a Detroit Republican poll worker. According to the worker, as many as 130,000 pro-Trump votes were moved to a 2014 MacBook Pro.
“Of course we’re looking into it,” said Mr. Giuliani, who had arrived at a suburban Detriot Holiday Inn for an impromptu press conference. “But you people won’t report on that because you’ve already decided this election,” continues Mr. Giuliani wagging his craggy finger at the press corp. “But this is a game-changer and will put the President on top in Michigan.”
It’s unclear how this third Hunter Biden laptop appeared in Michigan. However, someone close to the Giuliani team said that it was donated to an area Goodwill, and it was purchased by a Democrat poll worker who transfers Trump votes to the laptop.
“We have the laptop and are going through it now,” continued Giuliani. “And it’s absolutely amazing what they thought they could get away with. When you see how rigged the process is, you’ll know that the President was right all along.”
According to the Michigan Department of Elections, there has been no reported voting malfeasance reported at any polling locations, either by Democrats or Republicans.
“We take all accusations of fraud extremely seriously,” said Wayne County voting commissioner Devin Wayne. “But there have been no reports of suspicious activity. And reports of software issues are wildly exaggerated and have been addressed under the scrutiny of both Democrat and Republican representatives.”
Kevin Daft, a representative for the hastily formed Stop the Steal in Michigan and a member of the Pontiac Militia, says the election was stolen from President Trump.
“Look at all these dead people who voted,” shouted Mr. Daft, who was sporting a large, unkempt beard and waving a large 2020 flag in front of the Michigan Capitol building. “Newt [Gingrisch] was on Fox saying he personally looked into the issue and found ten dead people who voted. Fact check that, buddy. And then all these votes arrived out of nowhere after election day. Then you add in Biden’s laptop, and there you go.”
According to multiple fact-checkers, claims of voting fraud in Michigan are not only disputed but roundly unfounded.
“Well, that’s exactly the kind of thing the elites will tell you,” continued Daft. “You can’t trust anyone. Well, except Trump. Hell, don’t even trust me. Don’t trust anything. Do some research.”
Mr. Giuliani has yet to produce this third Hunter Biden laptop, but he promises to hold a news conference at the Ritz later this week. In related news, an area Costco said it received a request from Mr. Giuliani’s team to hold an event “in front of a pallet of Ritz crackers” on Thursday.