Russell, KS — Milk Cartoon Producers Association of America (MCPAA) has warned the Trump administration that the nation’s milk carton supply is running dangerously low due to a dash of missing children. The MCPAA, which has been producing pictures of missing children’s milk cartons since the Reagan years, released a statement that has confirmed the suspicions of conspiracy theorists across the country.

“While we don’t know whether rich people are raping the children or if Satanists are eating their pineal glands,” said Kent Milkbrow, who is the director of the MCPAA, “we do know that there are far more missing children probably than we can afford to print on our cheap cardboard cartons. To judge by all the Qanon follower posts.”

QAnon is a collection of American patriots and other high school dropouts who allege that former President Donald Trump is engaged in a secret war against a cabal of Satanist child abusers in government, entertainment, and the media. The conspiracy — which has spread to millions of users in Facebook groups during the COVID pandemic — has been linked to several violent crimes and was labeled a potential domestic terror threat last year by the F.B.I.

A recent offshoot of QAnon called Save the Children, which echoes the Pizzagate conspiracy of the 2016 presidential election, has no connection with the century-old, non-profit organization humanitarian, the charitable group Save the Children. Instead, observers claim QAnon’s followers deliberately misappropriate the name to sow confusion and chaos, with some QAnon believers suggesting that the 1919 charity is a part of the “deep state.”

Scotty Rojas, a musician and “social media manager” who goes by Scotty the Kid, was the force behind an Instagram campaign to rally protestors in 100 cities on Aug. 22nd. Mr. Rojas organized a July rally that ended with dozens of people with signs that included “Hillary Clinton Is Satan” and others fashioned into pizza slices — a reference to “Pizzagate.” Rojas led the rally wearing a T-shirt with a large Q on the front and carried a bullhorn through which he led chants of QAnon cries like “Where we go one, we go all.”

However, many experts maintain that these unproven fantastical theories do nothing more than to distract the public’s attention away from more pressing issues: like the coronavirus pandemic and its lack of testing and policy, massive unemployment only rivaled by the Great Depression, and the Trump Administration’s efforts to suppress the 2020 vote.

As for the milk carton producers, they try to keep up with demand.

“It’s all about Satan and the Democrats trying to keep things the way they are,” continued Mr. Milkbrow. “That’s why we contacted President Trump to get the message to Q and his followers. Because as much as we value our work here finding missing children and publishing Vitamin D information, we understand that it’s Trump’s warriors who have to carry the flag forward.”

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