Washington D.C. — On an early morning meeting with state governors, Vice president Pence floated a controversial idea that left many on the call flabbergasted. In what some observers note was an attempt by Pence to “calm the waters” after the Trump lost his cool in a 5 minute, spittle-filled rant, the former anti-LGBTQ governor of Indiana claimed that “black conversion therapy” might help quell recent protests across the United States.
“I just want to offer something I heard from a colleague of mine,” said Pence after President Trump has just ended his rage talk with the nation’s governors. “Have any of you considered black conversion therapy? It’s worked wonders for people like Allen West and Bill Clinton. Just a thought governors.”
According to the American Psychological Association, there is no such thing as ‘black conversion therapy.’ It’s unclear who the Vice President heard this from, but several commentators have concluded that Pence misappropriated the racist “therapy” from his experiences with gay conversion therapy. Back in college, he claims that the latter treatment “saved his marriage.” A claim that has since been corroborated by a former “roommate.”
Shortly after the governor’s call, Pence’s press secretary tried to clarify the VP’s remarks.
“What the Vice president was saying is that he’s concerned about the plight of black Americans,” said Katie Miller out in front of a heavily guarded White House. “That if they just made a few compromises in their behavior, they would benefit from the same types of luxuries average citizens do.”
As for President Trump, he took to Twitter with several single-word and indecipherable tweets expressing his anger over god knows what.
“Anger!” “Unfair!” “Too Hot!” Tweeted the President in rapid succession. Kayleigh McEnany, the President’s 14th Press Secretary in the past 18 months, took to the White House briefing room to translate Trump’s Tweets.
“It’s clear the President is frustrated by the thugs destroying America. And he, like every other real American believes that this must end and that these protestors need to behave like normal people.”