Mike Pence Brings “Don’t Ask, Don’t tell” Policy to the White House

Vice President-elect Mike Pence claims that a 1983 conversion therapy saved him.
Vice President-elect Mike Pence claims that a 1983 conversion therapy saved him, has now instituted a Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell policy in the White House.

Washington D.C. — In a bold and flashy move, Vice President Mike Pence has made his first proclamation since taking office and proclaimed that the executive branch of government now falls under the military policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” (DADT) was the official United States policy on military service by gays, bisexuals, and lesbians, instituted by the Clinton Administration on February 28, 1994, when the Department of Defense issued directive 1304.26.  A July 6, 2011, ruling from a federal appeals court barred further enforcement of the U.S. military’s ban on openly gay service members and DADT ended on  September 20, 2011. But this only applied to the military, not branches of government.

Vice President Pence has faced criticism for being ‘anti-gay’ and White House insiders say this proclamation is a way to show solidarity with the LGBT community. The LGBT community has responded with overwhelming anger, seeing the move only as a move to cover up Pence’s own latent homosexuality.

Sarah Wiers, LGBT activist spoke to Gish Gallop about VP Pence.

“It is pointless, who gives a damn whether they fall under the policy,” said Ms. Wiers. “We all know they are latent gays, my ‘gaydar’ has been blaring since the beginning.”

Vice President Pence, who is believed to have undergone gay conversion therapy in 1983, gave a brief statement about his proclamation.

“I have brought back ‘DADT’ to keep the homos…I mean openly LGBT people from being discriminated against. We prefer them in the closet where I … ahem…they can be safe.”

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Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.