Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

New York, NY — In what many analysts call a brilliant political and financial maneuver, former New York City mayor, millionaire, and now former Democrat presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg said he’d purchased all of Donald Trump’s debt for pennies on the dollar.

“It’s always been in the plan to do this,” said Mr. Bloomberg speaking with a medium-sized crowd in Austin, Texas, yesterday. “It’s all a part of our goal to rescue the country from Donald Trump. And it was inexpensive, as you might imagine. But, like everything else in Donald’s life, even his debt is worthless, and we got it for a song and a dance.”

It’s what Bloomberg is doing or not doing with the debt that has rocked the political world.

“There are several things Bloomberg could do with Trump’s debt,” said the University of Chicago’s Professor James Badwater of the James Badwater Institute of Public Policy and Veterinary Ethics. “What he’s probably going to start collections proceedings against the President. This will allow him to see all his tax returns and other sensitive financial records. Or he could threaten to do that, which will keep Trump off keel.”

Mr. Bloomberg had no issue sharing the amount he paid for Trump’s debt.

“He has a lot more than you think. More than we even thought,” continued Mr. Bloomberg to the Austin crowd. “Billions. But we could get all of it for just under 240 million [dollars]. Deutsche Bank was happy to unload over 1 billion at a 90% discount. And now that we have it, it gives us leverage against Donald. We’re already moving to put liens on several of his properties.”

According to Bloomberg spokesperson Daft Houser, the former New York City may use this noose over Trump’s head to force his organization into distracting negotiations.

“As Mike said, the liens are going in this week. And the Trump organization has already reached out to us. Mostly with lawsuit threats,” said Mr. Houser from the Miami, Florida, campaign headquarters. “Nobody has been able to reveal the criminal nature of Trump’s emoluments violations quickly and effectively. They’re scared.”

Critics say former President Trump violated the Constitution by retaining ownership and control of his sprawling business empire. They say this went against the long-standing historical practice and the advice of career government ethics officials and put him at odds with the Constitution’s original anti-corruption provisions the moment he was sworn in.

A Trump spokesperson acknowledged that “an interest outside of Trump Enterprises has purchased negative equity financial products contained within the company’s portfolio” but declined to say who it was nor what impact that will have on the operations of the President’s properties. However, in what has become a habit by Eric Trump, the youngest Trump clumsily took to Twitter to express his frustration.

“Bloomberg’s shekels can’t buy the Presidency from my Father, who only cares about America #KAG2024.”

The Tweet has since been deleted. The Trump 2024 campaign has not responded to Bloomberg’s debt purchase but said Eric has been put on a “Twitter timeout.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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    • A mood of desperation is now taking hold among Democrats. Appearing on MSNBC’s Morning Joe program Monday, longtime Clinton strategist James Carville warned of an apocalypse — “the end of days” — if Sanders gets the nomination: “I’m afraid that Donald Trump is going to get re-elected and I have to do this four more years and I don’t think we can make it. I really don’t.… The country can’t continue like this.”

      Despite Carville’s vision of doom, the country is actually doing quite well — especially the economy, which added 225,000 jobs last month. From a Republican point of view, nothing could be more enjoyable than watching Democrats lose their minds over their declining prospects for winning back the White House. It may be “the end of days” for Carville, but for the rest of us, the Great Liberal Freakout of 2020 is excellent entertainment.

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