Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

New York, NY — In what many analysts call a brilliant political and financial maneuver, former New York City mayor, millionaire, and now former Democrat presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg said he’d purchased all of Donald Trump’s debt for pennies on the dollar.

“It’s always been in the plan to do this,” said Mr. Bloomberg speaking with a medium-sized crowd in Austin, Texas, yesterday. “It’s all a part of our goal to rescue the country from Donald Trump. And it was inexpensive, as you might imagine. But, like everything else in Donald’s life, even his debt is worthless, and we got it for a song and a dance.”

It’s what Bloomberg is doing or not doing with the debt that has rocked the political world.

“There are several things Bloomberg could do with Trump’s debt,” said the University of Chicago’s Professor James Badwater of the James Badwater Institute of Public Policy and Veterinary Ethics. “What he’s probably going to start collections proceedings against the President. This will allow him to see all his tax returns and other sensitive financial records. Or he could threaten to do that, which will keep Trump off keel.”

Mr. Bloomberg had no issue sharing the amount he paid for Trump’s debt.

“He has a lot more than you think. More than we even thought,” continued Mr. Bloomberg to the Austin crowd. “Billions. But we could get all of it for just under 240 million [dollars]. Deutsche Bank was happy to unload over 1 billion at a 90% discount. And now that we have it, it gives us leverage against Donald. We’re already moving to put liens on several of his properties.”

According to Bloomberg spokesperson Daft Houser, the former New York City may use this noose over Trump’s head to force his organization into distracting negotiations.

“As Mike said, the liens are going in this week. And the Trump organization has already reached out to us. Mostly with lawsuit threats,” said Mr. Houser from the Miami, Florida, campaign headquarters. “Nobody has been able to reveal the criminal nature of Trump’s emoluments violations quickly and effectively. They’re scared.”

Critics say former President Trump violated the Constitution by retaining ownership and control of his sprawling business empire. They say this went against the long-standing historical practice and the advice of career government ethics officials and put him at odds with the Constitution’s original anti-corruption provisions the moment he was sworn in.

A Trump spokesperson acknowledged that “an interest outside of Trump Enterprises has purchased negative equity financial products contained within the company’s portfolio” but declined to say who it was nor what impact that will have on the operations of the President’s properties. However, in what has become a habit by Eric Trump, the youngest Trump clumsily took to Twitter to express his frustration.

“Bloomberg’s shekels can’t buy the Presidency from my Father, who only cares about America #KAG2024.”

The Tweet has since been deleted. The Trump 2024 campaign has not responded to Bloomberg’s debt purchase but said Eric has been put on a “Twitter timeout.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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