The Mexican government issued a statement this morning to its citizens traveling abroad in the United States, warning them to avoid drinking tap water.

“No la tomes. Parece a mierda y te va a matar,” was the official announcement, roughly translating to, “Please do not drink the tap water in the United States. There has been some contamination due to leaking lead, and unknown damage from chemicals leaked during the hydraulic fracturing process used to extract natural gas from the ground.”

For now, Mexican authorities are advising Mexican nationals to stick to bottled water and to be careful drinking mixed drinks, as sometimes tainted water is used to make ice.

A representative for the State Department expanded on the statement earlier today, saying, “Please do not drink tap water because you see locals doing it. They have grown accustomed to the contaminants in it. You will get sick even if they do not,” before adding, off the record, “We thought it was bad enough when they started lighting their water on fire, now it’s coming out of the faucet dark brown. In a major city! What the fuck are you people doing with all your money up there?”

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