Thursday, June 17, 2021

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Man with Chlamydia Discovers What Happens in Vegas Doesn’t Stay in Vegas

A Kent, Washington man brought back an unwelcome souvenir from a recent Las Vegas business trip.
A Kent, Washington man brought back an unwelcome souvenir from a recent Las Vegas business trip.

Kent, WA — A Kent, WA man has learned the hard way not to trust marketing slogans. 38-year-old married father of 2 Jimmy Fostersen recently attended his company’s annual convention in Las Vegas, Nevada.  The middle-aged director of marketing for the Seattle-based EXCellorate Technologies told his wife that “he would not have any time for play” during the 5-day convention. Apparently he had enough time to contract the sexually transmitted disease Chlamydia.

“Yeah, I really screwed up,” said a somewhat distraught Mr. Fostersen speaking with Gish Gallop via telephone. “I had a moment of weakness, and now I’m paying for it. To be honest, I didn’t think anyone would find out. But after a couple of weeks  after I got home, it felt like a firestorm when I tried to piss. So I went to the doctor, and well, you know.”

According to colleagues, Mr. Fostersen only spent about 50% of his time attending convention functions, and the other time trolling local Craigslist adult boards for a quick pick up.

“That Jim can’t help himself,” said EXCellorate co-worker Mark Brand. “He’s just insatiable. I’m surprised he has been caught up to this point. A couple of the guys tried to tell him to cool it down. I mean for Christ’s sake, he’s married with kids. But the asshole really thought his excursions would stay with him in Vegas. Well he brought an unwelcome passenger home.”

As for Mr. Fostersen, he’s in a lot of trouble.

“I had to tell my wife,” continued Mr. Fostersen. “At first I tried to lie and  say that chlamydia was a genetic condition. I mean I work at a gene company. But she didn’t buy that. Needless to say, I need to find another place to live at least for the short-term.”

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