Kim Rice doesn't understand why her husband won't use a towel.
Kim Rice doesn’t understand why her husband won’t use a towel.

Cedar Ridge, CA — Ken Rice used a soiled sock found on his Cedar Ridge, CA bathroom floor to dry himself early Tuesday morning, according to sources close to the Rice family.

“I prefer not to know what Ken does in the shower,” said a somewhat annoyed wife Kim Rice. “But I walked in on him and he was swabbing himself with a sock he found on the floor. I asked him, ‘what the hell are you doing? There’s these things called “towels.”‘”

Many average American middle class men generally have a low regard for proper drying protocols when exiting the shower. They’ll haphazardly reach for the nearest “mostly” dry fabric to remove remaining water, and sometimes soap, from their bodies.

“Well, there was no towel,” confessed Mr. Rice, wondering what all the fuss was about. “I suppose someone took it. I’m always loosing something. Anyhow, I was going to use the bath mat when I spotted one of my socks underneath the sink. That did the job.”

According to sources, Ms. Rice plans on double checking the bathroom prior to Ken’s showers.

“Yeah, I’m enabling the bad behavior, but I’ve got too many things to do in the morning,” said a resigned Ms. Rice. “You have to pick your battles. And honestly, I don’t want Ken leaving the house smelling like sour putrid death.”

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