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Redding, CA — Self-proclaimed expert at everything and area conspiracy theorist Kale Snotterberry likes to think of himself as abreast of the events of the day. The single 34-year-old spends his days gathering evidence on various conspiracy theories and resharing articles on various social media platforms.

“People just don’t know like I do,” commented Mr. Snotterberger on a Facebook post about George Soros, the liberal-activist billionaire. “They’re trying to shut me down. And people like me for exposing the truth.”

Mr. Snotterberry is a vocal Donald Trump supporter claiming to have voted for him three times in 2016, 2018, and 2020.

“Yeah, no one sees what’s going on,” said Mr. Snodderstein in a telephone interview. “I mean, look what they’re doing to dissenting voices. You know what they call it, don’t you? They call it the cancel culture. Yep. Canceling everything. In fact, that’s how we know who the bad guys are. They’re the ones not being canceled.”

When asked just who ‘they’ are, Kale grew agitated on the telephone.

“Well, you could do some research on Youtube. But don’t use Google because they’re tracking you. That’s why I have a sexbot for a girlfriend.”

It was at this point that Kale listed, in rapid succession, over twenty-five known, according to him, sources of what he called the globalist pedophile network of elites and bankers. The list included George Soros, Bill Gates, National Public Radio, The Clinton Foundation, The English Crown, Oprah, the Coca-Cola corporation, the “mainstream” media, everyone in New York City, and Kentucky Fried Chicken founder Harland Sanders.

“No one is talking about any of this stuff except for a few brave souls,” continued Mr. Snottenkale. ” I post on Facebook and Twitter each day to warn the world. Because the mainstream media won’t report on any of this. Nothing. And these social media companies won’t either.”

As for his plans, Mr. Snosnerterberry seemed optimistic.

“That’s just the thing, I plan on writing a book and self-publishing it because that’s the only way to get my message out. In fact, I’m pretty sure Zuckerberg is listening to me right now. I mean, just the other day, I was in the Safeway looking for some oatmeal. And would you know it, but one hour later, I was getting Facebook ads for grocery shopping, and Google was asking me for my opinion on oatmeal. So I’d be careful if I were you.”