North San Juan, CA — North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail research, and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Sedona, Arizona is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, recently in the news following his landmark 5G disability settlement, has been studying what he calls “the Sedona anomaly” for the past three years.
“There’s this thing I learned on the Internet called the Bielefeld effect,” said a mood-elevated Mr. Wolford in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “It’s where there’s this illusion that someplace exists. People talk about it. They even claim to know people there. But it’s all fake. They’re either part of the conspiracy to keep the hoax alive or delusional. Even more interesting is that this effect has become more pronounced after Hillary Clinton made a so-called ‘campaign stop’ in the fictitious spiritual town. Interesting. Think about how far this conspiracy goes up the chain of command.”
The Bielefeld effect, also known as the Bielefeld conspiracy, spread in 1994 on the German Usenet, which claimed that the city of Bielefeld does not exist but is an illusion propagated by various Illuminati forces. Originally an internet phenomenon, the effect has since spread to other hoax cities like Sedona, Arizona. To this day, German Chancellor Angela Merkel refers to Bielefeld in her speeches, even though the city doesn’t exist.
Sedona is supposedly located just north of Phoenix and has been called Arizona’s, and Earth’s for that matter, “spiritual vortex of the world” since the conspiracy was started over 117 years ago by landowners from around what is now known as Scottsdale. This is despite spiritualist Edgar Cayce’s proclamation that Nevada City, CA, is Earth’s primary vortex. However, after three attempts to contact the local government by Gish Gallop with no success, Mr. Wolford’s observations seem less batshit crazy.
“Look,” continued Mr. Wolford, “It’s really simple to prove that Sedona doesn’t exist. All you have to do is answer these three questions. Number one. Do you know anyone from Sedona? Two. Have you ever been to Sedona, Arizona? And lastly, number three. Do you know anybody who has ever been to Sedona? And don’t say, Hillary Clinton.”
Gish Gallop reached out to the local community and asked them Mr. Wolford’s three questions.
“Sedona is not a real town! Google it, and you will find out for yourself! I lived in Cottonwood and drove to where Sedona was supposed to be,” said Christopher J. Rushin, who currently lives in Grass Valley, “I’ve been ‘there,’ there’s nothing there but trees and houses and people and shit. No signs of civilization whatsoever. And even if there were such a place, Hillary Clinton would never go there. All of you are kidding me, right?”
Others were more philosophical about the hoax, maintaining that they might have only dreamed about the city.
“I’ve been to Sedona, and now that I think about it, it probably doesn’t exist,” commented Justin Anderson of Penn Valley, CA. “The place did seem too perfect, like a dream or something.”
Still, others were a part of the conspiracy calling people who believe such things “stupid idiots.”
“I’m a truck driver. I live in Flagstaff, and I get many shipments into and out of Sedona,” said an Arizona truck driver Greg McKnight, bolstering his status as a Mossad/CIA operative. “My wife grew up in the Sedona/Oak Creek area. So for you to even state Sedona doesn’t exist as a town or city, whatever all of you want to call it, makes me believe you are an idiot. Or a troll. Or a Bernie Sanders supporter.”
As for Mr. Wolford, he gave Gish Gallop an old, “I told you so.”
“Nice try,” continued Mr. Wolford. “You thought I was making this up, didn’t you? Well, now you know what I know. As soon as you run into someone who was a Mossad operative, they immediately start calling you an idiot for calling out the Sedona hoax. But you get used to it after a while. Your skin gets tough with this thing I like to call ‘The Truth.'”