North San Juan, CA — North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Ann Arbor, Michigan is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls “the Ann Arbor anomaly” for the past 3 years.
“There’s this thing I learned on the Internet called the Bielefeld effect,” said a mood-elevated Mr. Wolford in a Gish Gallop telephone interview. “It’s where there’s this illusion that some place actually exists. People talk about it. They even claim to know people there. But it’s all fake. They’re either part of the conspiracy to keep the hoax alive, or they’re delusional. What’s even more interesting, is that this effect has become more pronounced after Donald Trump made a so-called ‘campaign-style stop’ in the fictitious college town. Really interesting. Think about how far this conspiracy goes up the chain of command.”
The Bielefeld effect, also known as the Bielefeld conspiracy, spread in 1994 on the German Usenet, which claimed that the city of Bielefeld does not actually exist, but is an illusion propagated by various Illuminati forces. Originally an Internet phenomenon, the effect has since spread to other hoax cities like Ann Arbor, Michigan. To this day German Chancellor Angela Merkel, refers to Bielefeld in her speeches, even though the city doesn’t actually exist.
Ann Arbor is supposedly located just west of Detroit, and has been promoted as the intellectual capital of Michigan since the conspiracy was started over 100 years ago. However, after three attempts to contact the local government by Gish Gallop with no success, Mr. Wolford’s observations seem even more convincing.
“Ann Arbor is not a real town! Google it and you will find out for yourself! I actually lived in Pontiac and drove to where Ann Arbor was supposed to be,” said Christopher J. Rushin who lives in Grass Valley, CA, “I’ve been ‘there,’ there’s nothing there but trees and houses and people and shit. No signs of civilization whatsoever. And even if there was such a place, Hillary Clinton would never go there.”
Others were more philosophical about the hoax, maintaining that they might have only dreamed about the city and the weird black squirrels.
“I’ve been to Ann Arbor, and now that I think about it, it probably doesn’t actually exist,” commented Justin Anderson of Penn Valley, CA. “The place did seem too perfect, like a dream or something. Except for the ‘For Sale’ signs in every car’s rear window. And those black squirrels”
Still others were a part of the conspiracy calling people who believe such things “stupid idiots.”
“I’m a truck driver. I live in Troy, and I get many shipments into and out of Ann Arbor,” said a Michigan truck driver who wished to remain anonymous. A fact that bolsters his status as a Mossad/CIA operative. “As a matter of fact my wife grew up in the Ann Arbor/Brighton area. So for you to even state Ann Arbor doesn’t exist as a town or city whatever you want to call it, makes me believe you are an idiot. Or a troll. Or a Bernie Sanders supporter.”
As for Mr. Wolford, he gave Gish Gallop an old “I told you so.”
“Nice try,” continued Mr. Wolford. “You thought I was making this up, didn’t ya? Well now you know what I know. As soon as you ran into someone who was a Mossad operative, they immediately start calling you an idiot for calling out the Ann Arbor hoax. But you get used to it after a while. Your skin gets tough with this thing I like to call ‘The Truth.'”