San Francisco, CA — The iconic Golden Gate Bridge was shut down for most of the day due to a bizarre traffic incident involving the publisher of Gish Gallop newspaper, Randall Finkelstein (a.k.a. Fink).
Nevada County Gish Gallop President Louis “Lou” LaPlante recruited Fink to deliver a trailer of “meat” alpacas from his North San Juan ranch to a Mill Valley processing barn Saturday morning. During the northbound drive across the Golden Gate Bridge, Fink rear-ended another vehicle while texting Mr. LaPlante, and his trailer of alpacas tragically jack-knifed.
The “congress” of almost two dozen alpacas escaped out of the trailer and were seen to be dodging traffic. Unfortunately, many of the panicked animals jumped off the side of the bridge to avoid the oncoming traffic. Fortunately some alpacas were caught in the safety nets underneath the sides of the bridge deck which were installed over the past decade to stem the increasing number of suicide jumpers.
By 10:15AM PST Saturday the California Highway Patrol closed all traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge until the alpacas could be accounted for. As this story went to print in the evening hours the bridge was still closed to all vehicle and pedestrian traffic.
According to the bridge authorities, this is the longest bridge shutdown in the bridge’s history, topping the 4 hour closure to celebrate its 50th Anniversary. The U.S. Coast Guard has closed all boat shipping lanes near the bridge while they search for missing alpacas that may have fallen into the San Francisco Bay. If you see any alpacas in the vicinity of the Golden Gate Bridge please call 9-1-1 immediately.