Washington D.C. — Following comments made by Democratic candidate for President Marianne Williamson that Donald Trump represented a “dark psychic force of the collectivized hatred,” Senator Lindsey Graham announced that he challenged her to a “duel to the death” to “protect President Trump’s honor.”
Senator Graham’s comments came during a speech on Senator floor where he was arguing the virtues of family separation and detaining children for extended periods.
“Mr. President, I have to tell you, that my Democrat friends just don’t get it. If we keep allowing these illegal immigrants to go free, they’re gonna keep on coming,” said R, Graham how had grown sweaty and breathy during his heated speech. “And one more thing, this great president of ours is doing great things, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow some new aged nitwit like this Marianne Williamson lady to insult him. So I challenge her to a duel.”
A spokesperson for the three-term Senator said South Carolina has a long history of “honor duels” going back to colonial days. And that Senator Graham was merely doing what any other Cackalacky would do to hold up a friend’s sacred honor.
“He’s going to use his great great great grandfather’s dueling pistol,” said spokesperson Bethany Millbright, speaking from Columbia capitol building. “Sadly, each of them died during their duels, one from a self-inflicted wound, I might add. But this is about defending President Trump from his enemies. Because that’s what friends do.”
Marianne Williamson Not Phased
When Ms. Williamson found out about the duel, rather than criticizing or dismissing it, she embraced it in her unique way.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,” said Ms. Williamson responding on MSNBC earlier this morning. “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. I am not afraid of Lindsey, but he, certainly, is afraid of himself. I can defend myself and heal him at the same time. Which is what I will do to for the country as president.”
Ms. Williamson went on to say that she will defend herself with a series of chants and orgone crystals because “they’ve helped so many heal.”
No date has been set for the duel.